No Matter What // Zayn Malik

Chapter 31

"Tristan!" I screamed as I wrapped a towel around my shivering body. "You came!"

"'Course I did." He smiled. His smile was bright, practically lighting up the world. It wasn't fake or forced.

"I'd hug you but I'm drenched." I giggled a little.

"Just a little water, no biggy." He wrapped me in a hug that made me blush. "I'm gonna go say hi to your brother. See you around, babe!"

"All right!" I waved goodbye to him as he ventured into the crowd somewhere.

I started to go by my dad who was at the grill after waving to the Little Mix girls. I only made it half way though, until someone screamed at me to duck and tackled me onto the ground.

"STYLES YOU TRAITOR." Louis had yelled as I laid underneath my rescuer. My heart was racing as Harry's body was pressed on top of mine, wet curls brushing across my forehead slightly. He laughed as his tattooed chest vibrated in harmony. I laughed too, as my heart fluttered. Harry looked down at me with the cheesiest smile. His dimples were adorably evident.

"As comfortable as I am on this grass, I'd like to get up now." I smiled, a little embarrassed as Harry dumbly realized he'd been on top of me for an extended amount of time. Zayn wasn't anywhere around or perhaps I didn't care if he saw.

"Sorry," he blushed a little as he got off me. He started to walk away as I gasped in disbelief.

"Styles!" I screamed and he laughed.

"What, Devine?" His smile was gorgeous.

"Be a gentleman and help me up."

And he obeyed. I took his hand and he hoisted me up to my feet.

"How have you been, Olivia Jane?" My name sounded heavenly when he said it.

I bit my lip as he wrapped the towel around me a little tighter. His big hands slowly dropped down to his sides and I cursed myself for wishing they were around my waist.

"Can I ask you something?" My voice was quiet and small, scared of rejection.

"Is it about Zayn?" His eyebrows shot up.

I slowly nodded and he took my hand and led me out to the front of my house. I politely smiled at everyone and waved slightly, but for the most part Harry didn't stop for anyone. He was suddenly very protective of me and if anyone wondered what was wrong with me, he'd quickly answer for me. We sat under the balloons in the front that greeted Ben when he came and we sat on the grass.

"Did he hurt your or something?" Harry immediately asked anxiously. We sat across each other in the evening as I picked at the grass.

"No. Not at all! He's been really good and all." I said, trying to hide the uncertainty in my voice.

"Then what is it, Olivia?"

I was puzzled at what my mind had concluded with how I felt about Zayn. His pros and cons were lined up side by side in my mind. Being deaf and rarely speaking left me with far too much time thinking.

I was insecure, and an over analyzer. I was smart and read too much. I couldn't tell fantasy and reality apart. I was never on earth. I still am not of this world. I don't think like others and I don't say that to sound higher than anyone, I say it because it's true.

I am not one thing. I am not just a "good girl". I am a bad girl at times, but not the devil. If something doesn't make sense I get frustrated and stop at nothing to learn answers. I am still trying to decode myself. I am a mystery. I am never one thing. I am a ghost, yet I am alive. I appear to be many things. I am not quiet. I just prefer not to unleash my wrath on you. I am not rude, but merely don't feel like talking to you at the moment. I am many things. I am sad, I am happy, I am quiet, I am loud, I am afraid, I am brave. I am human. I am real.

"That's it." I whispered as I stared at the grass I had pulled out in my hands. 24 pieces. At least six inches each. My eyes looked up at Harry, who's eyes were as green and sharp and as gentle as the grass itself. "H-He's not real, Harry. I want him to say something real and not just, 'Oh you're so beautiful'. I don't want him to tell me the things I think I want to hear because eventually, the feelings behind it will be gone and there will be nothing more." I sighed as Harry slowly nodded. "That's what happened."

"The feelings gone?" Harry concluded.

"I thought I wanted a boy to tell me I was gorgeous all day everyday but when you hear something everyday, you believe it. Then you get tired of it.

"Like with Santa Claus." Harry whispered.

"He's like a robot to me. Everyone knows robots can't love. They're only programmed to do certain things."

"And eventually they die out." Harry's voice was quiet. "Or they walk away with no feeling."

I breathed out. "Exactly."

We stared up at each other for the longest time and neither of us dared to look away.

"Harry, promise you you find a good girl and when you do, use your mouth. Use your words but not too much. Use your hands to show her you care, because actions speak louder than words." I muttered as tears stung at my eyes. "Kiss her and never let her go but don't smother her. Girls are confusing. You do too much, we get mad. Do too little, we get pissed. So just - "

"Olivia," he whispered, interrupting me.

"Harry?"

He gulped. "I'm afraid I'm in love with you. I'm afraid to kiss you, but so badly I want too. I'm afraid to love you, but it would be wrong to do so. All I want to do is hold you and announce to the world that you're mine, but I know it will only hurt you and the thought of being in between your two boys will tear you and the three of us apart."

"I don't want you to get hurt, but think of me as your lover from afar. Just know I'll always be here." His eyes were glassy and ever so beautiful. "I'm in love with you, Devine, but I'm afraid I've made the biggest mistake of my life in telling you that."

My mouth wouldn't move. Everything was happening so fast. I didn't know what to do so all I did was sit there. Now fifty six blades of grass were in between my fingertips and I had a big headache.

I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He smiled sadly.

"It's a no then?"

My eyes looked up at him. Slowly I shook his head. "I'm afraid it's a yes, Styles," I smiled a little.

"But?" He whispered. He knew it all seemed to good to be true.

I slipped my hearing aid out and fell into the silence. "All I can think about is your words now. They were real. Very lovely too. I think I'll go insane if I don't do this before I go."

I slowly pecked his lips. A small but passionate one that might keep him wondering.

"Thank you, but I need some time to think now."

His lips moved and asked, "Yes or no?"

I said neither, because I wasn't sure. I told him I'd be back. I needed some air. My heart was beating for Harry - who was like the drug I had just gotten high off of - but my head was replaying Zayn and I's memories.

I didn't get very far as I walked along the sidewalk in my bare feet. The trail of wet footprints must've led him right to me.