The Insanity of a Wallflower

Of Monsters and Heroes- XXVIII

I found the time to re-read my other chapters. I think I'm going to go crawl under a rock. I think we all know I'm a shitty editor haha (and in case anyone's wondering- I am holding off full-editing until I get this story closer to the end), but I was trying to mentally evaluate how much I can hack off this story and got a little overwhelmed. It's getting long. And considering it's about 3/4ths done- that length isn't a good thing.

So my point is- coming up here soon, I'm thinking this story will disappear. When it comes back its going to have lost weight. No plot changes should have taking place (But perhaps less bonding with Tim's character? he isn't crucial and he's eating at my word count) and the first 5 chapters might dissolve into like two or three.

I suppose if I was to remove all author notes- that would slim this sort down too- but my concern (if a publisher will even consider this) it's going to be too long to get any bites.

Does self- publishing have a limit? Do any self-publishers do good?

I don't know, we'll see. At least that's all off a ways in the future.

Let me know thoughts/ideas.

Please no messages to my inbox, it will show up empty spaces when I open up messages and Wattpad hasn't helped me with recovering it yet. But you can comment or go to my profile.

-Helium

.

.

.

Tiredly I lay on the cold floor, staring up at the stone wall in front of me. I had finished the intricate corner depicting the grand feast and slaughter. After Ms. Lexington left, I was able to catch the rhythm of my dance again and complete the last details without a hitch. But again, like always, my mind finally broke out of its haze and suddenly became aware of all the aches and pains the surrounded me.

I sighed.

I tightened my toes in the cold air, knowing I should put my shoes back on. I had to get going soon anyways, I had an appointment I couldn't miss, but still the fatigue from painting the above image held me down. I thought about all Ms. Lexington had said, and how pleased Hayden would be.

My own revenge was in painting the fools around us for whom they really were, and to get revenge on this establishment for what it had done to Karri.

But his vengeance seemed to reach further, his anger lay with the state; though I did not know why. And whatever emails Randal had found their freshmen year about the missing funds was enough to bait him into revealing it all, all for his own reckoning.

I had been scared his agenda would eclipse mine, but yet it seemed to fall right into my hands. It was so perfect, so flawless. And whether we could find those emails again to prove the State's misconduct or not, Ms. Lexington still gave me another lead- the stadium. So his pieces to the puzzle were all there for the taking, no matter what. Everything was too perfect. But nothing was ever perfect.

I stretched lightly and let my eyes close slightly. "So where's the catch in this all?" I whispered to myself.

Me. Of course. The fact that I could not get way with this after I painted it and it was all revealed. I knew that, I was prepared for that. I would probably be sued, I would probably have charges against me- but I didn't care.

What I did care about was the State, Child Services. What I cared about was not finding myself behind white walls and clean rooms again. Never again. So long as the rest of the world thought this was all sane, I was fine. But fearfully I wondered if my insanity would get out; if Doctor Augustine would finally capture it.