The Insanity of a Wallflower

The Third- XVI

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I entered Mr. Hastens' class a few minutes before the tardy bell rang. A few members of the basketball team were chanting loudly; excited about some apparent awesome play from last week's game.

I instantly glanced towards my desk where Hayden sat beside it, talking and laughing with Ashley as she crowded his own.  He didn't glance towards me, only laughed heartedly at something she whispered, grinning at her with that handsome smile of his. Those firm lips pulled aside, revealing straight white teeth. Even I could hear the soft chuckle he gave her, and it seemed more than enough to make Ashley blush.

I felt like I was stepping into a whole other world; their actions and minds so far away from my own life. I hesitated, unsure, feeling like maybe I should have never opened up to Hayden. The wolf in my room last night held no pretense or façade. The creature before me was an optical illusion to every degree and I found I hated every second of it.

I gripped my sketchbook tighter, hesitantly still approaching them without being seen; trying to move towards the back of the room as stealthily as I could. Hayden still never looked my way, and I felt relief and anticipation to just get to my desk and start working before he had a chance to notice.

But as I slid around another student.... I realized it. The way he was looking at her now, the way every reaction he gave her was half a second short, he was currently observing.... paying attention, to something else...

He was aware of me.

It seemed right on cue his eyes finally glanced to mine; meeting them head-on without ever having searched the room. Ashley noticed the break in his gaze. Her eyes too turned towards the back of the room where I was trying to inconspicuously approach from. I glanced down at my schedule in avoidance and kept walking, desperately trying to pretend I hadn't noticed their sudden attention.

My skin felt raised and itchy knowing that Ashley was staring at me. With everything that went down with Karri, she still hadn't pieced together what my role was when it came to the posters. Most people hadn't.

In the few weeks I had been back from my suspension, no one had really tried anything with me.  At least not that I noticed. My memories were faulty and hazy; corrupted by the chaotic madness that was engulfing my mind.  Karri is gone. These bastards let it happen. They lied and she was punished instead.

No one seemed to notice that storm in my eyes. No one seemed to notice me at all. I was a wallflower... a shadow skirting from corner to corner. I was on the sidelines when Karri made the commotion. But more importantly, I was forgettable.

But it didn't mean Ashely forgot. I knew her angry eyes had followed me when I first got back. But the question that scabbed over her wounded pride; what was my involvement? She couldn't say. And so she never acted on it.

Her eyes had never burned into me like this before, yet now they seemed to scorch my skin. I felt the tremor in my fingers and fought to keep it still.  I hated what she and the other girls had done, but I couldn't let it show. I had to get my revenge my own secret way, not here in a public classroom in whatever form it would escalate to.

My eyes rose from the schedule and towards my desk. My fingers tucked the paper into my binder within my arms, and walked towards Ashley, Hayden, and my unfortunate chair. Her hand tightened upon the pencil within its grasp.

I dared to watch them from under my lashes as I sat down. I couldn't help but to notice that Hayden too was watching Ashley. She was unaware of this though, trying hard to look away from me in disgust. But before her eyes could ever break away...

"Good morning, Alys." Hayden murmured casually.

The fine hairs on my neck rose and I snapped my head up to face him alarmed. Were we supposed to pretend to be friends in public now? I frowned at the idea.