The Insanity of a Wallflower

You Once Told Me- XXII

I had found my way to what I assumed was the spare bedroom Mark would falsely claim ownership over if the state asked; though I knew for a fact he had never stayed in here. I left the preparation of hacking up to Randal and Hayden, it was all over my head anyways, and had contented myself to drawing more parts of the mural. By now, I had been drawing endlessly, scribbling out the complicated emotions that were accompanied with my discoveries. 

I wasn't surprised Hayden was using me... I always knew he was. But I was still somehow... frustrated he had never told me to what extent. But I couldn't be mad, because in the end he was the only one who could help me. He was the only person I could count on. Which meant I was using him just as much as he was using me.

It wasn't fair of me to deem his revenge a slap in the face to mine. No, his work was just as important. After all, it was only through his factual papers that my own drawings would be deemed truthful as well. But I couldn't let my revenge fall second to his. They had to be equal; otherwise I didn't think I could keep working with him. And that wasn't an option.

The faces below my pencil only made my eyes strain.  The chaos of this mural helped me forget about the absence of Karri, but only just enough. I closed my eyes... seeing the therapists stand over me- scolding me, yelling at me, begging me to let go of my journals.

But the little girl across from me, with her bright green eyes and mischievous smile, had kicked the shin of the one closest to me.

"Leave her alone, she's just drawing. Besides, she's pegged you lot for the mindless idiots that you are."

I giggled slightly at the memory.

"Something funny?" Hayden asked softly. I jumped out of my skin and turned to face him.

"Don't do that!" I hissed.

"Do what? Talk in my own home?"

"Scare me like that." I said exhausted, the painful adrenaline still biting my nerves. I flopped back down on the bed and closed my book. "I was thinking of Karri if you must know."

"Aw." he said pointedly, slowly entering the room with some hesitation, I could tell anything to do with his uncle- even a fake room- made him uncomfortable.

"What do you mean by Aw?" I asked as I peeked an eye open at him. "Do you find something odd?"

"When don't I with you?" he said dryly as he came near, "It just... surprises me how much she affects you."

I watched him carefully. He had no one like that, I knew. But I wondered if Randal was close. I didn't dare ask, I figured he was tired of my oh so observant eyes.

"We met in therapy," I finally said, "Her father moved the family around too much, her mother wanted to get a divorce, and that left Karri with a lot of anger. Instead of just being adults and handling her themselves- they sent her to the doctors to discuss things those people had no right to stand in for."

"And that's where you were?" He asked quietly and I nodded my head. Why I am telling him this?

"They were trying to break me of drawing at that point. It was a little more savage than it is now," I laughed somewhat in honesty. "I wasn't even good at it for a long while, but I still refused to give it up. Or... well I guess my hands refused to give it up."

"Your tick, then?" He seemed intrigued.  I nodded; just thankful he had yet to ask why I drew in the first place.

"I couldn't blame them for trying. Like I said I wasn't very good yet, so whenever the compulsion took over- I ended up scribbling horribly drawn images, which everyone thought were fat cows with scarfs on, or pickle men."