The Insanity of a Wallflower

Apollo- XVIII

I swallowed dryly as I kept moving down the hall. I could feel Hayden prowling behind me watching my every move, but I refused to look over my shoulder to meet his gaze. My heart hammered against my ribcage as my feet shot out beneath me. Why would he say that? Why would he feel the need to manipulate me, corral me into trusting him more than I had to? Wasn't I was already committed enough?

It didn't make sense.

But somehow it did.

I let it slip; I knew about his past with Kinsley, though not the details. And what was his reaction to that? He wanted me to trust him?

No. He wanted me to open up to him... to get me to reveal my own weaknesses. For this wasn't an upper hand he'd let me have for long.

I was so angry at myself for ever having whispered those words. But suddenly I was angry at Hayden too, why did he need to have more of an upper hand?! Were we not in this together?!

My anger burned. He already knew so much more about me- in reality, he was the one who had all the cards. He knew I had a tick, there was no avoiding that.  And now he had been introduced to a doctor he had no idea about before previously. And that woman in question had just revealed my mother for her true colors of being a shitty human being. I had just shown him my weakest side.  And he was swooping in to win the most fragile part of my trust. But I knew him better than he thought.

He ruined people's lives. That's what he did. There was never a rhyme or reason to it. Whenever he got bored, annoyed... something- the people around him would disappear and run.  And here I confessed I knew about Kinsley. I admitted I knew parts of his darker past.

And he wanted the same from me.

"But you already have it." I whispered angrily. In fact... my eyes widened as I realized something I had missed. I glanced over my shoulder and met his gaze. My feet stopped moving as I came to stop, and Hayden stopped behind me as well.

"You know, don't you?"

He didn't say anything. Those grey silver eyes bore into me.

Augustine's words resonated through my skull "I will see you again in a few weeks. I think this has all been very enlightening. I have much to report back for my observations and opinions to the State."

The State.

"You know she was with Child Services, don't you?"

I never realized the condemnation that came with those words; I was so used to those terms, I forgot they bared the markers of my situation. But Hayden wouldn't have missed that. Seeing a doctor dissect me... my mother... my life.... Under the guide of the State.

"Yes." Was all he said.

My eyes narrowed as a sharp pain rose into my noise. I can't do this. He felt so close to my past, so close to my secrets...it was destroying me inside and out. I desperately turned back forward and began trotting away, leaving behind Hayden and his prying gaze.

"Alys..." he called out after me. Apparently, he wasn't expecting me to dash away again.

The sensation of crying or screaming was still too strong. I followed the hall in front of me, eyes finally seeing the far door that would lead us to the back entrances of the building. The new gymnasia was constructed across a small lot on the other side.

"Wait Alys." his firm voice said behind me. I kept moving. Closer and closer those doors grew and I knew Ms. Lexington was just minutes away. Hayden wouldn't be able to press me further there- I just needed to get there in time.