Deduce Me

Twenty-Five: Arsenic Trioxide

John
(In case you didn't already know)

"Oh, guys, I want you to meet Jim..." Molly said nervously. "Jim, this is Sherlock Holmes, and John Watson."

"Hi," I replied, trying to place his face. I know I'd seen him before, but where?

"Hi," Jim answered, never taking his eyes off Sherlock. "The great Sherlock Holmes. Molly's told me all about you. You in one of your cases?"

Sherlock didn't answer, and instead looked back into his microscope. "Jim works upstairs in IT," Molly offered. "That's how we met. Office romance." They both giggled. Sherlock looked around at Jim and made a quick deduction.

"Gay." Oh, that's where I've seen him before! He's the guy we had seen working in the hospital, months ago when Sherlock had been admitted after Anderson beat the hell out of him. Jim had told Sherlock "I'm sort of a fan..." Sherlock had deduced that Jim was gay then, too.

"What?" Molly questioned, startled.

Sherlock lifted his head once he realized what he had done. "Oh, nothing... Uh, hey." He offered an extremely fake smile.

"Hey," Jim said admiringly. I took a step forward. Jim laid his hand on the table next to Sherlock, knocking over a dish. He scrambled to pick it up off the floor.

"Sorry, sorry!" I turned away, putting my hand to my face at his ridiculousness. "Well, I'd better be off. It was nice to meet you," Jim told Sherlock wistfully, keeping his hand on Molly's back.

Sherlock didn't answer, so I had to answer for him. "You too." I swear, I feel more like his interpreter than his boyfriend sometimes. Jim blinked blankly at me, then leaves the room.

"What do you mean, gay?" Molly confronted. "We're together."

"And domestic bliss must suit you; you've put on three pounds since we last saw you."

"...Two and a half."

"Nuh, three."

"Sherlock!" I warned.

"He's not gay. Why do you have to spoil... He's not."

Sherlock snorted. "With that level of personal grooming?"

"Because he puts a bit of product in his hair? I put product in my hair."they both looked at me. Molly looked even more distressed, while Sherlock twisted his features into a questioning smirk. "Oh... Right. Never mind."

"That, plus the extremely suggestive fact that he just left his number under this dish here," he showed her the card that Jim left under the dish, "and I'd say you'd better break it off now and save yourself the pain."

Molly stared at him for a moment, then turns and runs out of the room. Sherlock looked startled by her reaction.
"Charming. Well done," I said sarcastically.

"Just saving her time. Isn't that kinder?"

"'Kinder'? No, no, Sherlock. That wasn't kind."

Sherlock looked fed up with this conversation. "Arsenic trioxide," he said abruptly.

"What are you babbling about?"