Good Boy, Bad Girl (CANCELED)

The Confession to Himself

Entry Log: 1

Agent: Washington

Ship: Mother of Invention

Date: 9/30/2444

I just need to write this out. I can't tell anyone. I don't even trust York and North with this secret. I might sound like a 7 year old girl writing in her diary but, I just need to get this off my chest. Well that's what my therapist used to say, ya' know write out your feelings. I'm getting off topic anyways, I couldn't get myself to admit this, kept trying to push it down. I like California.

Not like a friend but, as something more. This probably sounds cheesy as fuck but, as soon as she walked through those doors on the first day I couldn't take my eyes off of her. When I heard the door slam open that day I just casually looked up, making sure it wasn't the Director or someone of authority. I am a solder after all.

When I looked up from my book, I saw a girl. Confidence oozing out of her. She looked at the room like she owned it. I didn't even bother walking up to her. I would make a fool of myself. Carolina and York walked up to her, of course the two people who have all the confidence in the world. Perfect matches am I right. The entire time she was walking around the mess-hall she must have thought I was reading, or didn't even notice me sitting all the way in the back corner. But the entire time I was just scanning the pages, not even bothering to decipher the alphabet into words.

I was just listening to her, easily talking to everyone. Once in a while I would sneak a glance over my book to take a look at her. The way she moved her body as she talked. I wasn't trying to be creepy, I was just...taking mental notes I guess. As the number of tables dwindled between me and her I started to get nervous. Would she even notice me or would she simply just walk past. I heard her talk to York about me, something about she coming to me by herself.

I quickly made sure I looked as focused as possible. She slid in front of me, cigarette hanging from her mouth. I took a quick look but, quickly looked back down. She chuckled at my reaction, must of thought I was scared of her. In all honesty, I was. Her confidence scared me, in my head I was thinking of what I could say to this obviously over confident girl. I was acting like a teenage boy who just saw a girl for the first time. She then offered me a cigarette.

I so desperately wanted to take it and say something smooth. To impress her, I have no idea why. I never had the desire to impress anyone, I just felt like I had to say something cool so she would like me. I guess you could call me desperate, but it was more out of wonder. I wanted to see how she would react if I all of a sudden acted like some bad-ass.

But instead I said it was going to ruin her health. Nice one, David. Instead of being the "cool bad-boy that all the girls drool over" you just said something that her mother would say to her. Fucking nice one. But she just laughed, it soothed me. Made me feel less like a dork. She then told me to her name, Lilith. She then wanted to know my name.

When I met each of the other Freelancers I just simply told them my state name and walked to the furthest corner there was. Social anxiety I guess. But here this over confident girl was having a full blown conversation with a dork me. Even gave each other nicknames. And every day since then we've been talking. Training together, staying up late. Making me more attached to her.

My worst fear is, that I'll lose her. Lose this.