The Look Of Knowledge

24. Continental Drift

Julian

What can you do when all you do is wait? Of course, wait some more. But what can you do as you wait? Think. Right.

Those were all my main hobbies. Wait for shit to happen and think about all the time I'm wasting on it.

I remember once, Mika said I waited too much. It must have been 2009 or so. I picked her up from Rich's because they had a huge fight, he hit her and she called my phone crying from inside the bathroom. None of that shit was new.

I put her in my car and first we went to Central Park, then all around the city. At the end of the day, when it started to get dark I drove her to her mother's house, where she used to live when I met her. I told her to stay at my flat but she said she didn't want to bother me and Fab and blah blah.

"I don't want to get in yet" she said while I parked on the front door.

"Let's just stay here until you do then" I proposed and put the car to sleep. She agreed and we must have stayed about a hour and a half talking and joking around. I loved her but she had no fucking clue.

"You know, my mom loves you guys" she said out of the blue after a few seconds of being zoned out.

"I know, we all love her t-"

"No, I mean, she loves you guys. Your music and shit, she's so proud of you. The other day she said 'I googled Julian's name on Youtube' those are her words" she laughed taking two cigarettes from her purse and put one in her mouth. I opened my mouth to talk and she slipped the other one right in between my lips.

"I haven't finished my story" she added and lit up out cigarettes. "The thing is, she said she found a video called something like 'Julian Casablancas waits'" I furrowed my eyebrows curiously.

"Waits, like tables?" I asked laughing.

"No, silly, just listen. She opened it and it was a recompilation of parts of some of your songs. And all the parts, y'know, the lyrics, you say you are waiting... Now, I found it quite creepy at first but I was curious so I asked my mom for the link and checked it out"

"That's... pretty weird" I said not giving too much thought to it.

"Is it?" She asked with a mocking gesture on her face. "You do wait a lot. I never noticed that before but you wrote that in so many fucking songs it made me think"

"It's just shit I wrote, it's whatever" I said, where was she going with this?

"It's not whatever, I know you don't just write stuff down on a paper. You write your feelings, it's deep shit"

"Whatever" I said. I didn't know why I got so defensive.

"Don't be mad, I just thought it was interesting" she said turning to look at me straight but I didn't look at her. I took a drag and let the smoke escape as I opened my mouth.

"I'm not mad, I noticed that thing about myself" I admitted looking out the window.

"I wanted to ask you something about that" She said and I sighed because I knew she would say something that would make me think and loose sleep for days.

"Shoot"

"If I was a random person, and approached to you for advice, would you tell me to do the things you do?" She took her hand outside the window and tapped the butt of her cigarette making the ashes fall.

"What do you mean with 'the things I do'"? I asked.

"Waiting" Mika said smiling widely. I looked at her puzzled and she started laughing at me. "It's okay, you don't have to answer right now, but think about it. You wait for things to happen to you, but what if they don't happen? I know you will notice it's not a good attribute being that patient."

"It's your fault I'm waiting anyway" I said. I said it just like that. I know, I regretted it the second I heard it.

"My fault?" She looked at me confused.

"Uh, yeah.." I had to be funny, that was the moment to use my occasional humor to get out of this. "I mean, yeah, I've been waiting for you to get into your house since 300 B.C."

"Oh, you're right" she laughed and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'll let you go in a minute"

"I don't mind, I was just kidding" I quickly said, I really didn't want her to go.

"Are you doing something tonight?" She asked me throwing her cigarette out the window"

"I'm going out with Anya" I said. She was a girl I went out with for like a month or two.

"Right, the red head with cute dimples! How is she doing?" Mika asked enthusiastically.

"I don't know, I'm breaking up with her" Not looking forward to meet up with Anya that night. I hated breaking up with people, it was hell.

"Oh.. Why?"

"She's an ignorant. And it's not like sex makes up for it because it is boring as fuck" I admitted making her laugh, then she slightly punched my arm.

"She's nice, don't come out rude, okay?"

"I won't" I said truthfully, the last thing I wanted was another crying girly that day.

"Okay" Mika sighed and opened the door. "I'm setting you free now" she smiled and stepped outside of the car.
"Oh, and thank you for, you know, saving me and shit.." She added leaning on the window.

"Don't mention it, just promise me you won't go back with him"

"I promise, Julian" she said rolling her eyes. "Bye now" she turned after giving my car a slight pat.

I waited for her to get in, her mother opened the door and waved at me, I waved back and started the car.
Then I went home.

I don't remember all the things we did that day. It was just another day, it wasn't the first time I 'saved' her from Rich's shit and it wasn't the last time either, she obviously made up with him a couple days after. But as you can see, I remember the conversation perfectly. I don't think she realized the weight her words had on me.

The day after that I stopped drinking and gave Fab all my cigarettes. I don't think she knows, but in a way, Mika saved my life.

I wrote another shitty song about her later.

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••••

Guys the mentioned video exists and is very cool. I think it's called 'Julian Casablancas and the wait' (lol) it's like 7 minutes of Julian singing about waiting.

Xx :)