Faith.Hope.Love

1. The Proposal

 "So you're engaged!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Maybe. He just gave me this and yes, he expected me to wear this...the following day." I explained.

"You're supposed to be happy, right?" Rachel's eyes were searching mine as if looking for something. Rachel is my friend since college and if there's someone who really knew me, I must say that it's her. Aside from her "visionary" instinct, I can say that whenever I look into her eyes, she'll know if something is wrong.

"I don't know. I feel so confused. I am no longer sure if pushing through this engagement is the right thing to do. I heard stories from a friend that things like these happened when they were planning their wedding. There was a time that she and her fiancé didn't talk for a month to clear things up. In the end, they passed through the trial and now they're married for 6 years and have two kids." I shared to Rachel. I was explaining to her but I felt like I was the one who needed the explanation.

Deep in my heart, I don't know what would really happen. I'm not sure if we've been in the same situation. Perhaps they only got petty differences why they were able to patch things up and ended up together. I wished everything was as simple as that.

"You know what Rachel, I'm no longer excited for that day. I really thought that he was the one. But everything seems different and not right. Ever since we started to plan for the wedding, it seemed not right." I confessed.

"You must talk to him about this Faith. So it will not be unfair for both of you." Rachel said.

"Right, so it will not be unfair to him..." And to myself.

***
Time flew so fast. It's been three years.

Maybe, some things are really meant to be and some are not. I decided to let go of that relationship. I didn't plan it though. And I really thought that we'd end up together, living happily ever after (like some fairy tales). But I guess fairy tales are not for me...or at least it was not yet time for me. Looking back, I realized that I didn't have the time to cry. Perhaps I was not able to feel the pain anymore. I was unsure. I got myself busy to study again. Rachel told me that she knew a school offering courses that I might be interested with. That must have been God's appointed time for me to pursue the path my heart really desired. By God's grace, I finished the program offered and I was prepared to continue that path. It was so different 15 years ago when the man I dearly loved broke up with me. I grieved for years. I just couldn't move on. I could still remember how I used to cry myself to sleep and woke up crying again. I wanted to be near his place so I could have the chance to see him. I even applied for works near his place so I'd be able to see even the gate of their village on my way home. I was really hoping to see him. But it never happened. Oh my! Why am I thinking about these things now? Of all places and time, why am I reflecting the past while I am already rushing my way to Today's Hope.

"Faith!" I heard a familiar voice called me. I was walking and running in my rush to be at the center. I was really running late. I have a presentation to Ma'am Carmen regarding the children's book we are about to launch as part of the fund-raising to build a new home for boys of Today's Hope Center for Children. As I turned to see who called me, I saw Gabriel. I couldn't say a word. He looked different, though.

"Hey, get in, you don't want to be late right?" He said smiling.

"Why are you here? You said you're rushing the progress reports for the sponsors...? Have you finished? I curiously asked. He just smiled and signaled me to just get in the car.

"Everything was done last night. I already sent the reports to our sponsors. So I am here. I want to hear your book proposal..." He winked his eyes and patted my back. My hands suddenly got cold. I knew Gabriel was an expert writer and the thought of him listening to my proposal stressed me out. I just wanted to help on the fund-raising and if we get this right, this would greatly help in building the new home for boys of Today's Hope.

"Okay, thank you for coming," I said in my most formal voice. I was still unsure of him coming with me. Well, since Ma'am Carmen and the children knew him already because of the outreach we had here a year ago, I needed not to worry.

As he was parking the car, I saw Ma'am Carmen and I waved my hand. As Gabriel and I got out of the car, some of the kids came running to greet us. It was Saturday and all the kids were at the center.

Looks like they are more excited to see Gabriel than me.