Saved Me

✨ c h a p t e r f i f t e e n ✨

"Can you stop?" I asked her, anger coursing through my body instantly. "I'm sick and tired of you calling him that."

"Well what else am I supposed to call him?" she asked, glaring at me.

"Roman, his name is Roman. And if you can't respect him, then don't even bother trying to associate with me. It was one thing when all your hate was directed towards me, but if you're going after people I'm friends with and people you don't know, then forget it."

"This isn't how my daughter would have raised you."

"Well too bad because she's dead."

"And who's fault is that?" Everything was deathly quiet after the words left her mouth. I watched as my grandmother's exterior crumble ever so slightly as if she was going to take back her words – as if.

It was like a train came crashing into me. All the wind was knocked out of my body. It was all your fault. Without a second thought, I immediately walked out of the kitchen and up to my room and locked the door behind me.

It was all your goddamn fault Abigail.

If you hadn't pressured them to take you, none of you would be in this mess.

It's your fucking fault.

I went straight to the bathroom, my hands shakily grabbing the razors.

Your fault.

All your fault.

You're the reason they died.

You, Abigail. You and only you.

Tears ran down my face, clouding my vision. I wiped them away, ignoring how loud I was. Strangled sobs escaped my lips and I did nothing to stop myself. Once I could grab the razor steadily, I stared at it.

It's worth it.

You deserve it.

It's all your fault.

You don't deserve to live Abigail Evans.

"I'm so sorry," I cried to myself. I dropped to the ground, clutching the razor tightly, unable to control the violent sobs that completely wrecked my body. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"Abigail, open the goddamn door before I break it open myself." His voice was menacing and scary but I ignored him. I placed the blade against my skin, right on my wrist.

Just one cut.

The door suddenly burst open and Roman grabbed the blade before I could even cause any damage.

"Fuck Abigail," he muttered, kneeling down in front of me. He collected me in his arms, holding me to his chest. "Fuck, baby, please." Baby.

I pushed. I pushed away from him, creating as much space as I can.

"Abby, c'mere," he whispered.

"No," I croaked. "Please, leave me alone." He shook his head, reaching for me.

"I'm not leaving you alone Abby. I don't care if you don't want me here. I'm staying." He stood in front of me and scooped me in his arms. I thrashed and punched him, trying to get away. He set me down on the bed, grabbing both my arms to stop me.

"Listen to me Abigail," he said firmly, grasping my arms tightly.

"I can't deal with it anymore Roman," I interrupted him. "I can't. I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. I'm drowning in my goddamn thoughts and I can't control it. I'm practically yanking my hair out and slashing my wrists. It was all my fucking fault! They're dead because of me while I'm living and breathing! Fuck, I can't! Don't you get it?! I'm not happy so please, just leave." I was fuming but my heart was breaking. I didn't bother to wipe away my tears of frustration because I simply could and did not care.

He stepped forward, cupping both my cheeks. I looked up into his eyes, his blue orbs swirling with many mixed emotions. "I can't pretend to know how you feel. I can't pretend to know what you're going through. But I can be there for you Abby. I'm not going to leave you, even if you want me to. I'm going to be here for as long as you can think of. Don't you dare give up on yourself because I'm not giving up on you."

I crumbled into his arms immediately, loud sobs erupting from my mouth. He laid us both down on my bed as I cried my heart out.

Every inch of my body was filled with self-hate. I wanted nothing more than to die, even if it meant leaving people behind. If I hadn't begged them to take me out, none of this would have ever happened.

Roman held me tightly, letting me cry into his chest. I didn't know where everyone else was but at that moment, I couldn't care less. He kept leaving butterfly kisses on my head, stroking my back, my cheek. There wasn't a single centimeter of space between our bodies. Our legs were intertwined, our arms wrapped around each other, my head rested on his shoulder while his rested on top of my head.

Eventually, my sobs had reduced to soft hiccups. We didn't say a word to each other, not that we needed to speak. Somewhere along the line, I fell asleep with one last thought.

I'm in love with Roman.  

A/N: 

"I'm so fat."

"No, you're beautiful!"

Being fat does not mean you cannot be beautiful. Do not instill that mindset onto other's. You can be fat AND beautiful.

stay strong xo