Memories (River Phoenix FF)

August 20th, 1992

August 20th, 1992 was probably one of the absolute worst days of my life.

Our first fight. It's strange that we didn't have any before, with how different our opinions on, well everything were, but we were more compatible than expected.

He and I talked on the phone every day, and we tried to see each other as often as possible, yet we had never actually really fought. We'd have arguments and discussions about things, telling each other our opinions, but never anything quite like this.

It was awful. He asked me such a simple question, "how are you?". I should have told him "swamped," I mean, it was, or I could have said "fine," but I hated lying to him. It was a secret that I just couldn't keep.

Before I knew what was happening, words were tumbling out of my mouth quicker than I could control. "Oh River, it was awful," I started. "I had back to back classes today from 6 AM and only 45 minutes for lunch. Remember when I told you about the kitchen fire last week? Well, the caf is still closed! I was tired of not eating and I didn't time to eat anywhere good... I stopped at McDonalds. And remember how I was telling you how well being a vegetarian was going? God I'm so upset... I ordered a burger and chicken fingers!" I exclaimed. At the time, I didn't think that I should have kept the last part to myself and I didn't think of how he would react. His voice quivered as he spoke his response.

"I... I thought we'd talked about McDonalds before," he said. I knew we had. About how he didn't like how he treated the animals and how we shouldn't eat there and how I made a promise that I wouldn't, and I just broke it. But at that point, I was so stressed I was ready to pull out my hair, and ready to take it out on anytime in my way.

"You know what River? Not everyone has those animal beliefs that you do. Ease up already, though, and try to stop forcing them on people. I'm sorry that McDonalds mistreats some animals, but they're already dead by the time I eat them." I probably sounded cold, probably heartless to him, and looking back I do regret being so rude. He never forced anything upon anyone, and I wasn't sure why I'd even said it.

"I... I didn't realize that I..." His voice broke a little bit before he whispered, "I gotta go, Luce." And then he hung up. That's how I knew this was bad, because no matter how many little fights we had, he'd never hung up on me. And he'd never sounded as crestfallen, broken and upset as he did at that moment.

I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and that I would never do something like that again and that I was so so sorry. I didn't even try to call back.

A/N: I don't like this chapter. And if I were smart, I would have gotten to November to do a Thanksgiving chapter, but no, instead I have to do River's birthday next 😂 Maybe I'll spoil you with chapters until we get there... -Katy