Strong [h.s]

Emotional Turmoil

I s i s

It's suddenly cold, and as I look around me, I try to remember which direction I came from. Rubbing my arms, I spin in circles. I'm lost. I'm completely, utterly. . . Lost. I reach back and pat my pockets, hoping there's some way I still have my phone on me. Of course, it's nowhere to be found, which means I left it on the picnic table back at the field.

     I spin on my heels. I have no clue where I am, how could I be so stupid? I'm afraid of moving forward, but terrified of staying still. I'm confused, scared, and It's going to happen to me, too, just like her. I keep spinning in circles, just turning and turning, looking for any clue of where I might have come from. I can't end up like her, I can't let Randie suffer through what I did. I hear the cracking of twigs on the ground and the rustle of leaves, but no matter how much I try to call out, I can't. After what seems like an eternity, I completely lose it. I start slapping my skin, trying to rid myself of the mosquitos, and I can feel the hot tears running down my face.

     The only thing I can think is that my daughter is losing both of her parents. I shrink to the ground, gasp a sob, and tuck my knees under my chin. I can't think straight, and I keep sucking in air through short gasps of breath. It's too quiet.

     "Harry," I whine, pushing my fingers into my hair.

     "Aha!" I hear a deep voice shout, making my heart skip a beat. I look up to find the face I'm looking for, the one that matches the low, slow tone. Harry emerges from behind a tree, still grinning, but his face falls when he sees me. I scramble to get up, rubbing at my face with my dirty hands. He meets me halfway, and I practically throw myself into his arms, wrapping mine tightly around his neck.

     "Isis," he says, wrapping his long arms tightly around me.

     "I-I thought-- I couldn't--" I can't speak properly, and all I know is that I'm overwhelmed with the sense of security.

     "You're shaking," Harry points out, and pulls me tighter against him. "Hey," he coos, running his fingers through my hair. "You're okay, I'm here. You're not lost."

     I know this isn't right. I'm not supposed to feel so warm in his arms, I'm not supposed to feel so comfortable with his touch; he's not supposed to make me feel. . . Safe. But the scent on his shirt is so comforting, and his embrace makes me want to melt into him.

     "Are you hurt?" Harry asks, pulling away to study me. Half of me is disappointed, and the other -rational- half is relieved.

     "No," I say, wiping my eyes. "I'm fine."

     He looks at me from head-to-toe, and reaches out to me. His hand brushes my head, and I realize that he's fixing my hair. "Are you okay?" He questions. I nod.

     "I already told you I'm fine."

     His green eyes stare into mine, but I quickly break the contact, afraid I'll get lost in his gaze."I'm not talking about that."

     I take in a deep breath, "Yeah." I let it out, slowly. "I'm okay. Thank you."

     "Let's head back, then?"

     "You do know which way you came from, right?"

    

     When we get back, everyone's playing soccer-- even Randie. Liam and Aideen are goalies, and Louis, Randie and Niall are on the field.

     Louis is the first to spot us, and jogs over. I must look completely horrible, because his eyes widen as soon as they land on me. "What happened?" He asks, looking from me to Harry.