im tired, im tired, im tired, everything screams tired right now and i just might let these drunken words that i've formed in my mouth slip out and sear straight through your brutal honesty, right to the edges of your far-from-regular heart. im trying to connect these wires that i've pulled out of my heart but there's a dull space where that spark should light up and im ready to let this pulsing anger and mental energy zip straight through these terrible insulators, through contact with everyone around me and explode in a blinding mess of the insecurities im made of. im the lost file under stacks of cooled coffee that the therapists and counsultants will never find ( or bother finding ) and no amount of text messages filled with the most brilliant words can ever put the sunshine back into my books. all the picture books and and novels in my library that hold the most promising futures have been defaced and wrecked ( LIKE ME ) and now, i stand amongst a wasteland of torn pages and broken words, shelving books that are all coloured monochrome, just like the films that flash by my glass eyes way too quickly. my life's a cinema booked for one and nobody will tear these bedeviling images out of my mind so im crouched behind a futon chair, painfully unwilling to let the dry prayers to a saviour who can never save me run down my arms. next up is the dreaded curtain call and im not prepared at all to let the spotlights focus on a lost girl who's just a cave for fatal misery.
/
im meeting my fav 2day but im not even sure if im going to enjoy myself 'cos ive been really moody ( at least that's what i think it is ) and im having a really hard time talking to my seniors / juniors 'cos they think im an extremely happy-go-lucky person who's annoying as hell and can't shut the fuck up and they dont understand that they need to STOP me whenever i emo around like a whiny wimp oh my god i can't even
i love the people in my life right now but i might have to let people in and im! not! prepared! at all!
fate of ten is coming out tomorrow and i can't wait #lorienchoseyou
