Every Missing Piece

Chapter Twenty-One

I don't see Jack the next day. I'm sure I could if I wanted to: Mercy told me as much right before she reminded me about another meeting I need to attend. Even if she's giving me the opportunity to roam the Desperate camp freely, there is nothing that could entice me to go back to Jack. I know when to make my exits.

Still, as I go on trying to convince myself and everyone around me that nothing is wrong, I know that I am crushed inside. I can try to turn away, but the fact remains that Jack rejected me, even when everything about the two of us still feels so right. Of course, it isn't really right. I'm wrong about that, just like I'm wrong about everything, and now I can never look my best friend in the eye again.

At the very least, I have Mercy's strategy meetings to distract myself with now. All of this morning, she's been in a frenzy, trying to work out the details to send us outside Gotten. I think she wants us to go as soon as possible, and I am all for it. There's nothing left for me here, nothing except my family, and the Assembly has taught me that I can't even rely on that forever.

I sit in a circle with Mason and Nina now while we wait for Mercy to join us. None of us say anything, and I can just make out the sounds of a handful of Desperates outside squabbling over rations and whooping over a card game. Our silence doesn't surprise me. Nina has never been one to give up words easily, and Mason—well, I haven't been an inviting conversationalist with anyone today, him included.

"Your friend is apparently making a quick recovery."

I jump at the sound of Nina's voice, partially from the shock of hearing her speak, but mostly because she brought up the one topic I wanted as far from my mind as possible. I clear my throat. "That's great," I manage at last.

Mason raises his eyebrows at my flat response, but Nina has nothing else to add. There's nothing else to say. Everything I've tried to forget is pointless and I see Jack lying on his thin mat, aching and alone. I should be there, I should be by his side, but I don't think I can ever go back. Not anymore.

"He's lucky to have you," Mason says quietly. I glance at Nina, but she doesn't seem to be paying us any attention.

"Not that lucky."

"No, he is," Mason insists. "You understand? He is lucky to have you."

Mason is wrong, and it's ridiculous to think otherwise. No one is ever lucky to have me, not when you compare me to Jack. Jack is the talented guard who found the Barrons by himself and keeps Gotten safe. Jack is the golden boy with the golden smile and heart of light. I'm just the girl who's good for nothing but turning people away and not swallowing the pills. Actually, I couldn't even do that right.

But there's some stronger meaning behind Mason's words, and I have to wonder: does he know? Has he figured out what Jack means to me? And does he know that I mean nothing to him?

If Mason knows, I don't think I could bear it.

Before I have time to worry about it anymore, Mercy bursts into the room. There are dark circles underneath her eyes, and her short hair is sloppily pulled back into a stub of a ponytail, but there's something vibrant behind her grin and the room practically crackles with her energy.

"This is it," she says proudly, surveying the three of us. "This is what we've been working toward. What do you think?"

"How soon can we leave?" I ask before I stop to think.

Mercy claps me on the shoulder. "That's the spirit," she says. "Now, all of you gather around and take a look at this."

She pulls out a paper rectangle from her pocket and unfolds it into a map that spans the entire table and cascades down the edges, although it's a map unlike anything I've ever seen before. The maps I'm used to show the Assembly headquarters at Gotten's heart, lost in a network of buildings and fields with everything enclosed within the city's sturdy walls. On Mercy's map, I can't even find Gotten until she points it out: one solitary dot with Gotten's name next to it in even script, floating by itself in a world that's larger than I ever dreamed.