Every Missing Piece

Chapter Eighteen

The Assembly leaves me alone all of the next day. For now, their games are done: they've spilled all of their secrets and I think they finally know all of mine. In my solitude, I can only think about all of the places I've went wrong. It's a long list.

It was never about me: I know that now. Josef didn't care about my progress in my lessons or even about my loyalty to Gotten. Maybe he originally wanted me as a liaison, maybe he still does. The most important part was that he saw a way to use me, and he was only biding his time until he made me betray the Desperates. I was a lonely pawn on a chessboard that spanned the entire city.

But can I do it? Can I turn on the Desperates so easily? In the scheme of things, they are nothing to me. Not when compared to my family, at least. The decision should be simple, made in the blink of an eye, but for the first time in my life, I have to think bigger, better. The Desperates may be Gotten's only chance of moving on from the Assembly and making life better. Who am I to throw all of that away for a little bit of happiness?

Yet once again, I am in a position where I can't say no.

I have to wonder if I'd have done anything differently if I'd known this was how it would end. Would I still have come to the Assembly if I understood they wouldn't hesitate to completely erase the memories of my family and everyone else I knew? Maybe not—but then I wouldn't be safe from the Assembly myself. I might not be any good at saving my family, but at least I can save myself.

I should feel so lucky.

No. I can't think like this. I refuse to accept it. There's a way out of here, there is, there is, there is, and I can expose the Assembly for what they really are, and the Desperates won't have to fall, and then—

And then they kill me. I think that's the only way this can end. I think I knew that all along.

There's a knock on the door. I flinch at the sound and I'm not ready for it when it opens, but it's not a smug Assemblyman on the other side, or even a guard, but Mason. He raises his eyebrows when he sees me sitting in the corner, arms wrapped around my legs, but he doesn't ask questions.

"Josef told me everything," he says. He lingers next to my mattress but doesn't sit down. I'm not sure if I want him to.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. He sounded very pleased with himself too."

I shrug. "Why shouldn't he? What leader wouldn't want his own army? He's getting everything, and it's over. Done."

"Not necessarily. He's counting on you to slip the pills to the Desperates. If he can't control them, then his plan is over before it's even begun."

At this, I sigh. Mason just doesn't get it. He acts like I can just refuse and everything will go on as it was before. But really, if I say no, what was the point of it all? Why did I turn myself in to the Assembly? Not only would my family be dead, but I'd still be trapped and the Assembly would find another way eventually. I'd lose everything and gain nothing.

Mason must sense my hesitation, because he's suddenly beside me on the mattress, his hand resting on top of mine. "There's another way, don't you see?" he says, his voice now urgent. "I was wrong about what I said before. You have to escape. This changes everything."

I brush his hand away and close my eyes against the feeling of hurt that flashes across his face. "Weren't you saying just yesterday that escape is too dangerous?" I ask. "What's with the change of heart?"

When I open my eyes, Mason is staring at me, jaw set. "Everything's different now that the Assembly plans to erase memories. It's even worse that he plans to take out the Desperates at the same time. The most important thing we can do is stop this. Josef may be cunning, but he has a weakness, and that's that he has an incredible ego. He's made up his mind to use you, and he won't be happy if you're out of his clutches. You can be sure he'll do everything in his power to find you again."