Every Missing Piece

Chapter Six

The next morning, I leave my unit with the rising sun, the streets drenched in a pinkish hue as I make my way to the blocker's department. There's no assignment waiting for me and no triggers to erase, but there's an itch at my core that won't let me keep still. Maybe if I walk briskly through the cold until my face is numb or if I find some extra work to keep my hands busy, I can ignore it.

It's been three nights since I last took the pill. First there was the medic center after I watched Alexa bleed onto the floor, then there were my own treacherous thoughts that stopped me from swallowing it, and now the pill rests heavy in my pocket, too close for comfort, yet not close enough. I tell myself that I keep the pill as a safety measure, a last resort in case the Assembly discovers my mistakes. This should make me feel calmer, but the Assembly likely already knows about my deception. And even though it's only been three days, my memories are lined up like beads in a pearl necklace and just as precious.

I turn a corner and there's Mason, waiting at the end of the empty street. He raises a hand in greeting.

I know I can't trust him. It's impossible when I know who he reports to, but at least he hasn't turned me in yet.

Although who knows what he wants from me before he does.

"It'd be a lot easier to trust you if you weren't always following me around," I tell him as soon as I'm close enough to not have to shout.

He shrugs. "I don't get much choice about that. The Assembly told me to keep an eye on you, and I can't outright ignore them or they'd be suspicious. You don't have to worry; I haven't told them anything interesting."

But there's only one part of what he said that I can focus on, and it brings on a panic so severe that my mind is full of flashing lights, whirring noises, and warning signs all around. "They asked you to follow me? When? Why do I need to be followed?"

Mason stops, and if I didn't know better, I'd almost believe that he was looking at me with concern. "I don't know. It was before your trip to the medic center, so it can't have anything to do with the pill. If the Assembly had a reason, they didn't bother to tell me. Sometimes they just do things like this."

Right. They do things like this right before their subjects mysteriously disappear and then I have to clean up their bloody triggers before anyone can remember the body.

I walk faster to the blocker's department because if I slow down, I might cry. Why can't I just have it all? Why can't I have memories and the right to live and no one watching my every move? Why do I have to pick and choose and look over my shoulder at the risk of anyone learning my secrets?

"You know what this means, though, don't you?" Mason says, still right beside me, because of course he'll never leave me alone if the Assembly itself ordered him to follow me. "I really didn't tell the Assembly about you because they would have taken you by now. I kept my word."

And right there, I turn to face him, and the urgency with which I grab Mason's arm is enough to block out everything: the delicate frost along the side of the street, the brick buildings rising in every direction, this whole crazy world. "Let me just make one thing clear," I say.

"What?"

"I can end this at any time," I tell him, pulling out the pill from my pocket. A small part of me is shamefully satisfied when his eyes grow wide with disbelief. "So much as a word to the Assembly, and I'll erase everything, and they'll never trust you to do a job for them again. I don't know what you want from me, but keep that in mind if you feel the urge to stab me in the back."

Mason glances around quickly, and I wonder why he's suddenly so nervous in this early morning. "Put that away," he whispers harshly, looking again at the tiny pill cupped in my hand.