No Matter What // Zayn Malik

Chapter 28

"Hey doll," he whispered huskily against my neck.

I smiled. "Hey." I looked out at the arena. "You do this every night?"

He smiled wide and nodded. "Every night. It's literally like a dream."

"How did you know that you wanted to sing?"

"It was just a feeling inside me. It never went away. I just longed to perform and be on stage, you know?" His voice sounded dreamy and soothed my tender heart.

"I've never had that feeling about something before." I whispered softly.

Zayn frowned.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"It's nothing." I said, shrugging it off.

"Olivia - "

"I'm meeting Perrie at a Starbucks nearby. I'll talk to you later, okay?" I quickly kissed his lips as hugged him. "Have fun with the boys tonight!"

He didn't let me go to easy.

He pulled me against him and left a tender kiss on my lips and a soft one on my head.

That really meant, "You know you can trust me, doll, right?"

But all that came out from his lips was a quiet "See you later, doll."

And I left him on his stage of dreams.

Perrie and I talked over coffee. I needed a girl to talk to. My mum wasn't the most helpful, still in and out of her depression and Rosie and Chelsea weren't always the best with advice. I just needed someone to listen.

Zayn might suffocate me. Ben was busy with college. Josh might flip. Zayn would flip if I talked to Harry instead of him, so now Perrie was my only option.

The hot coffee warmed my numb body. Perrie's bubbly personality made me feel a little better.

"What's bugging you?" She asked, looking up at me earnestly.

"I don't know." I whispered, tapping the side of my coffee cup. "I just kind of feel lost. I'm not sure who I am. It's scary because I won't be a kid forever. I'll be off to college in like a year. I don't even know what I want to do with my life."

"Everyone's just good at something." I continued to ramble. "You, singing, and my brother's all smart - "

"Not Josh right? Ben?" She interrupted, making me laugh.

"Well they're both idiots." I snickered, smiling at the memories I shared with my big brothers. "But Ben's the smarter one. But, I just feel so out of place."

"Fashion, Olivia."

"What?"

"Livi, you have an eye for fashion are you kidding me! Look at your outfit!" She said, gesturing to my clothes.

"W-What this?" I looked down at my gray marled sweater which layered over my white button up shirt. My caramel colored skirt was smoothed out, and a pork pie hat on my head. My purse leaned on my shoulder in a relaxed way.

"Dr. Martens!" She grabbed my left foot, making me squeal as she continued to prove her point. "THIS IS VINTAGE, DEVINE!" She screamed, grabbing my purse. "I'm useless my butt." She shook her head as I sheepishly smiled.

"Be Little Mix's new stylist."

I almost spit out my coffee.

"P-Perrie!" I practically screamed, my tongue burnt from shock. I coughed a little but Perrie just stared at me innocently.

"I'm not kidding. You got fashion sketches?" She said, sipping her coffee.

"There's something in your coffee. I'm serious. That's a horrible idea." I protested, trying to snap Perrie out of it.

"It's a wonderful idea." She stirred her drink with a small smile. "Our current stylist is no good anyways. Gosh, we've been going behind management's back and shopping ourselves, goodness." She said dramatically, making me laugh.

But she pressed on in all seriousness.

"I can get you a job somewhere. Come on, Olivia, think about it." She encouraged, her eyes begging me to at least try.

I stared out the window, my teeth sinking into my lip hard. People of all kinds walked past in the dark of the night, guided by the lampposts.

I'd never thought about fashion. Maybe this was my chance. Maybe this was my special talent.

Perrie said something that made me smile before our little coffee date ended.

"Zayn isn't the only one that's trying to help you find yourself."

I smiled, but was a little confused.

There were others?

Perrie got up after handing me the money. She grabbed her coat and fixing her newly dyed hair a little.

"Don't push people or opportunities away, darling. I gotta get going but please call me tomorrow about this offer! I mean it, Liv!" She squeezed my arm a little before pulling me into a big hug and saying goodbye.

The cafe wasn't too far from my home so I walked. Perrie's words were still in my head.

Finding myself.

That's all this was. A long journey to find myself.

I opened the door to my quiet home and wandered in aimlessly in the dark. Only the kitchen light was on. I expected it to be maybe Ben studying or doing his college prep but it was my mother, drinking a bottle of water.

'Don't push people away.' Perrie had said.

Without hesitation, I hugged her. I held her the tightest that I'd held her in a long time. She felt weak and fragile in my arms but she seemed to have enough strength to hug me back.

The journey to find myself would be a long path taken but it couldn't be taken alone.