From one proxy to another proxy [Ticcimask]

Chap. 24: City on the Edge of Forever

Toby narrates 

Masky and Hoodie had gone to the city. I stayed alone in the cabin, lucky me huh.

I was in my room.

Hoodie ordered me to do some stuff while he was gone, but i wasn't even paying attention. I didn't even notice when they left.

Lately i've been feeling so sick.

I feel nauseous... and that's my fault.

I wanted to act brave.

I wanted to corner him a little. 

And now we are not talking, just like in the beggining. 

It took me years to make him see me as a friend! Or at least not as an enemy...

Sometimes i feel like my heart is gonna jump out of my chest and that causes me conflicts because that's disgusting...

I mean, why does my pulse race when i'm next to Masky? It makes no sense! And it's gross...

but i can't deny it also felt good...

I have this feeling of warm i haven't felt in years.

I really want to throw up.

In attempts to calm this horrible, strange, yet tender feeling, i realized that he must feel exactly the same. 

He probably threw up three times already and wants to punch me, that would be comforting.

If he punches me for all this shit, i would never have the courage to do something this stupid again...

Even if it sounds fun.

And it was fun.

He also wanted to pretend he was in control of the situation but he backed away even faster than me. 

Can i assume i won?

I stopped pacing around the room and stood in front of the window. I could only see the darkness of the forest.

While i was thinking my hair would fall out from so much stress and overthinking, the door opened stealthily.

To be honest i was terrified of turning around. 

—Rogers.

It's not that i don't want to turn around...

But it is.

The words didn't come out of my mouth and i wasn't moving.

—Are you deaf? —he hit me on the head.

—Dick... —i swore in whispers, expecting him to start a stupid argument.

—Why did you kiss me?

So straight to the point, huh. He usually has a struggle to say anything but threats or awful jokes... especially about me.

—You thought i wouldn't do it, so i did it! —i turned to him shouting.

I didn't mean to shout but sometimes these situations overwhelm me. 

—Just because of that?! —he was shouting too.

Of course it is because of that. What is he expecting me to say?

—What do you want me to say? That i did it because i'm in love with you? I'm not.

I walked away and sat on my nightstand.

I was trying to act cool, but i wasn't. I had like a storm of feelings inside. Changing and intense feelings.

—Besides you were practically begging it! —i joked.