Unthinkable

Unthinkable ~ Chapter 6

I walked out of the therapy room with a new-found smile on my face, the discussions both inspiring and awe-provoking. Something about the collaborative effort in there made me feel uplifted, despite the subtle darkness that sometimes lurked between certain people. My grin dulled slightly as I spotted Damien waiting for me in a nearby corner, his bright eyes seeming downcast.

"Hey, Damien," I said tentatively as I approached him, my head tilting sideways. He jerked upward, eyes widening slightly as if he didn't expect me to be there. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah," he replied quickly, his lips parted slightly in surprise. My brow furrowed at his reaction.

"Um, you look confused." Damien shook his head, the look on his face fading away quickly as a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"Oh, no no. I'm not. How are things?"

"Pretty good." I matched his smile and looked around. "So, who were you waiting for?" His eyes widened slightly.

"Wha--"

"Oh come on, I'm not stupid enough to think you were waiting for me with that kind of reaction on your face." I mimicked his shocked expression and slugged him lightly in the shoulder, a small chuckle leaving his lips. His sliver of a good mood vanished as he sighed and leaned against the wall, his eyes wandering to something behind me.

"Sorry, Manny. I was just..." He paused, his eyes flitting to the ground instantly. I glanced behind me and spotted the girl from the therapy session: Maybelle. She flashed me a small smile before walking away quickly, and I found myself whipping back around to face my brother, brow furrowed and all.

"Do you know her?"

Damien shook his head quickly and avoided my gaze. I stared at him for a moment before letting it go. If he wanted to tell me, he would. "Um, so, when are we going home?" His eyes shot up to mine, their usual shine completely dulled.

"Home?"

The way he said the word made me shiver slightly. His tone was so soft it was barely above a whisper, as if a newborn puppy were trying to growl. Swallowing thickly, I nodded. All of this was making me incredibly confused and I didn't even know what to say. He cleared his throat and nodded, plastering an obviously forced smile onto his face.

"Tonight, Manny. We're going home."

~~~

The day whisked by quickly as I spent it with Kania and her friends from our school. Apparently they were my friends too, but I couldn't remember them at all. Sometimes a phrase or two would trigger a memory, but besides that, it was completely blank. I couldn't go out to do anything fun until my leg was completely healed up, so we spent most of our time in that same hospital room. Only difference was that I could actually move around, even if it was limited.

Damien walked in on us a few minutes before Kania and the others left, a smile adorning his face. He took his usual seat beside my bed as I hopped onto it, watching him intently. We sat there for a few moments in silence while I switched through some channels on the hospital television when he surprised me.

"Jay."

"Excuse me?" I turned to look at him, a serious expression on his face.

"That's who I was waiting for. She doesn't need physical therapy, but her sister does. I was hoping that she would pick her up or something."

"Oh." I stared at him for a moment, his gaze refusing to meet mine. Finally, I looked back at the muted television screen, several thoughts rushing through my mind. "Who's--"

"I promise I'll tell you at one point. Just... not right now."

I nodded. More silence. That kind of silence that feels so loud, the air weighing down your shoulders and a thousand words are begging to come out but they don't. I knew what he was thinking without him even uttering a sound.

"I didn't do it."

"What?"

"I didn't commit suicide." Damien's head whipped around to face me, his eyes displaying that I had his full attention. He propped himself on the edge of his seat and stared at me.

"You didn't," he repeated, a skeptical change in his tone causing me to sit up in the bed, my gaze falling to the twiddling fingers resting in my lap.

"Well, not exactly." His eyebrow quirked upward, and a sigh escaped my lips as I tried to figure out how to explain myself. Heck, I didn't even understand what I was trying to say.

"Look, I know I don't remember the whole story, but I've been getting these triggers and... I really don't think I went there to jump off, I just wanted to clear my head."

Damien's eyes ushered me to go on.

"I was listening to music, like I always used to do, just trying to clear my head... and I don't know... I honestly just fell."

Damien's gaze never left my face, and his stare was making me a lot more uncomfortable than it should have. I was telling the truth, but he obviously didn't believe me. I can't say I blame him; I wasn't really making much sense. I turned to face him, my eyes locking with his.

"All I know is I didn't jump off. At least, I don't think so. I... couldn't have. I really did fall. But, I just can't remember how it happened or what I was thinking when it happened. Is that so bad?"

Damien's eyes grew soft as they shifted to the floor, his head nodded slightly. "I'm sorry, it's just... it kills me to think that you might be keeping something from me."

"Right now, I'm not. Just... I need a little time to think, okay? I won't lie to you. I promise."

He looked at me for a while, his mouth slightly ajar and his eyes narrowing as if he were testing my liability. I guess he deemed me worthy, because he gave me a quick nod, grabbed his bag and headed out the door.