beautiful pain | kai parker

feelings // chapter 13

I woke up slowly, groaning in pain. My vision was blurry, and I sat up straight, gasping for air. I looked around me, and noticed I was in Mystic Falls High School.

"The hell?" I said, and I was freezing. I stood up, and I was in the cafeteria.

"Oh, good you're awake," I heard someone behind me, and I turned around, facing Kai.

I stepped back. "What the hell was that for?" I growled at him. I hated when someone broke my neck. I always woke up with a headache, freezing and I got a little emotional. Stefan and Damon never got that, not even Caroline or Elena. It only happened to me.

"Jesus, you didn't die. And I need to talk to you," He said rolling his eyes and sat on one of those benches.

"If you wanted to talk to me you should have asked! Not break my neck!" I almost screamed at him, and his eyes widened.

"Are you okay?" He asked, like he cared. He stepped closer, and ran his thumb on my cheek. I backed away.

"No!" I shouted. "You-you can't just break my neck and expect me to be cool with it! It hurts, it fucking hurts!" I shouted at him. I wasn't usually like this, but I always took it personal when somebody hurted me, not like what I did with Stefan, but like really hurted me physically.

"I didn't know this would have such an impact on you," he looked at me worried. He walked over to me and cupped my face.

"I'm sorry Emma. Can we please talk?" He pouted, and I was so exhausted in my body I didn't even bother to fight him.

"Sure," I said and I stepped back to the wall, and sat down. Kai did the same.

I was trying so hard to forget that I told him that I was in love. It was actually embarresing, because now I don't know how to act around him, and I just feel awkward about the whole situation.

"What were you doing in the cemetery?" I asked, trying to not talk about the subject.

"I was talking, or threating my twin sister to get her magic back, and she did. She's a witch again, and about a month or so we are doing the merge." He said. He was sitting in front of me, with his legs crossed.

"Cool." I answered shortly, and played with my fingers.

"I stabbed her. Twice. In the arm."

Normally I would have freaked out on Kai, but I knew he was looking for a reaction when he was talking like that. "Cool." I said once again, and I tried so hard not to look into his eyes, but damn it was hard.

"Why are you being like that?" He said, with a more serious tone.

"Like what?" I asked, finally looking him in the eyes.

"Do you not want to talk to me anymore? Are you mad at me or something?" He started raising his voice at me.

"No," I said quietly and rolled my eyes.

He stood up. "Tell me what you want!" He yelled at me.

I stood up, and looked him in the eyes. "You wanted to talk to me!" I yelled at him again.

"Because you said you were falling inlove with me!" He yelled even louder at me, and pointed at himself. He looked so mad.

There it was. He finally brought it up. What was I supposed to say? I don't even know my own feelings, and I don't want to say anything I'll regret on. 

Was I inlove with him? There were so many things about Kai that were so wrong, but they felt so right. Like when he told me about what he was planning to do when he got out of from the prison world, a normal person would have freaked out, go to the police and even be a little traumatized. But I wasn't a normal person. I'm a vampire. I have killed so many more people. I have secrets that would have suprised so many people, even Kai. 

"I know I said it," I said, loud and clear. I shouldn't be afriad of my feelings towards him. There was a voice inside my head that told me to shut the fuck up, but I shouldn't be afriad. Not of my feelings, love or Kai. "Do you?" I asked him.

"Do I what?" He said, shouting at me.

"Do you feel something for me?" I asked as calm as I could, even though I'm pretty sure I was shaking. What if he said no? What if I just ruined everything?

"Of course I do!" He screamed at me, and I remained calm. He was pacing back and forth now, and I was just standing there.

"I'm not used with these emotions! I'm a sociopath for fuck sake! I shouldn't be feeling like this!" He screamed at me, and I tried so hard not to move. "When I'm not around you, all I think about is you! I think about you every second of every day! I think about if you're safe, if you're happy and if you're alive! If I try to think of something else, your face just pops up! I hate it!" He screamed at me again. We were both just standing still, very close to each other.

I wasn't even paying attention that he was literally screaming at me, I just listened to the words. He could screm all he wanted, but I didn't care. I was so exhausted, but I was interested in what Kai had to say. "And?" I ask.

"I-I think I need to go," He said and rubbed his hand on his face. What?

"What?" I ask.  "Why?" Why would he just leave? He wanted us to talk and now he decides to leave?

"I-I-I need to go! I need some space to think," He stuttered and walked to the exit.

I vamp sped in front of him. "What?" I ask him again, only a little louder.

"Motis!" He said and before I even could react I was in the air and my back slammed to the wall.

I groaned in pain. What the hell was that? I looked to the exit, and Kai was long gone. Great, now I have a headahce AND back pains. And I really hope I haven't lost Kai.

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Kai is being bipolar :(