In your arms

October 05, 2023

October 05, 2023

One of the main "lessons" they have tried to teach me through therapy is to appreciate the moment, to stop in the here and now, to welcome the good that is there, to try to find balance with the resources you have. And I...I swear, I always try to put this teaching into practice, but it is not always so easy. If I had really internalized it, for example, I wouldn't be standing here right now struggling with pouting while with a rag in my hand I finish cleaning the truck. I don't necessarily want to defy life or face immense tragedies every day, however, since I've been back in the field the most exciting thing we've seen, as you call it, is a garbage dumpster that had caught fire because a man had tried to burn his lover's nightshirts and panties before his wife found out. We had a great laugh about it, but there was nothing really substantial that sparked my interest and somehow "kept me alive." I'm sure contributing to my discontent is the fact that I haven't seen Carina in a week. After spending a wonderful night of love and passion together on the same day as the "fateful anniversaries," we had to part ways the next morning, even in quite a hurry, to go off to deal with related shifts at work, never being able to see each other again, supposedly until tonight. Our shifts didn't match up, we both had other personal duties to attend to in the only free half hours that coincided, and so I end up with a load of nervousness and stress on me that frankly I can't wait to get off.

So when I hear footsteps behind me and out of the corner of my eye I instantly recognize Dean's pleading face, I also feel a shadow looming over me.

M < whatever your request is, the answer is no!> I exclaim, before he can open his mouth.

D < how do you know I have a request to make?> he asks a little bewildered.

M < you just confirmed it for me!> I snort, stepping off the ladder of the truck and placing my arms crossed in front of him. < tell me, what do you need?> Dean smiles, scratching his head.

D < I have a date tonight..> he says vaguely and I nod: it would be the first time in the history of my life that someone has referred to me for love advice.

M < oh, wow! Excited?> he shrugs his shoulders.

D < can I be quite honest in saying that... no?> he asks with a smile. < I want to enjoy it as a light evening, maybe have a nice encounter, but I don't think I'm aiming for anything more..> I nod.

M < that's a good way of looking at it anyway!> Dean nods.

D < yes, I just don't know who to leave Pru with..> he just lowers his voice and I look at him puzzled.

M < don't you have a babysitter?>

D < yes, of course, but she is sick. And in the evenings I actually leave her at Ben's house most of the time, so she can have company, his boys, his wife and their babysitter..> I nod.

M < okay?> I ask a hint of puzzlement, almost intent on resuming my truck cleaning business.

D < can't you just keep her for me?> he asks, getting straight to the point and my eyes go wide in amazement.

M < me? > my voice choked with disbelief. < no! And why should I?> Dean sighs, in distress shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

D < tonight Ben has a family thing..> I shrug.

M < okay. Just ask Vic, right?>

D < she's already bought tickets for a play with Travis...you know how they are about these things, those two..!>