In your arms

August 18, 2023 - Skopelos, Greece

Greece, here we are!Thank you all for reading and being here. See you soon

August 18, 2023 - Skopelos, Greece

There is always a moment when desire overcomes fear, and it is the moment when we set our bodies in motion and make a gesture. This is why, in fact, I have taken two planes, flown over an ocean, crossed two continents and several countries to be here, in this moment, lying under the scorching sun of a Mediterranean summer together with Carina.

If I focus on this moment, on the iced cocktail I just bought at the small beach bar, so quaint and so magical, on the burning sensation of the Sun against my skin, on Carina's relaxed sighs, on the waves of the blue sea, which bluer I could not imagine, on the seagulls screeching in the blue sky, everything is perfect.

All the anxiety, however, is distributed in the moments before and the moments after. If I think about the moment when Carina told me she bought the plane tickets and booked for us, the moment I packed my suitcase, the moment the plane took off, I feel the thoughts crushing me. When I think of what will happen next, the moment the sun will set, the romance will take hold between us, we will go to dinner and then sleep in the same bed, I feel the anxiety and thoughts become boulders crushing me.

Over the years I have learned a number of relaxation and breathing techniques, to prevent precisely these moments of discomfort from getting the better of me. I realize, however, that I have evidently never felt so strongly for any person in the world or even for any situation in the world, because so far I have always, thanks to these techniques, been able to cope on my own. With Carina everything is so strong that I feel myself plummeting from one moment to the next, as if I were to jump off a kilometer-high cliff. The rational part of me is even aware that if I jumped, Carina would open the parachute with me and the flight we would face together would be the best flight of our lives. Yet I can't regulate my fear, downgrading it to "normal" performance anxiety, while realizing that by doing so I risk preventing my memory from boxing in the drawer of fondest memories the very moment I am already experiencing.

Flashback August 17, 2023 - Maya's House, Los Angeles.

As soon as Andy returned from her vacation, she rushed to the firehouse, promptly alerted by Vic, who pointed out to her how I had taken days off, out of the blue, hidden from everyone. Luck was on my side, because during the shift we had one call after another: in this heat it is easy to find small fires even in public gardens if some jerk throws lit cigarettes or, as happened to us before, some kid shoots firecrackers. This, however, did not make Andy lose energy and intention, who in fact waited until the end of the shift, my last before the vacations, and then invited herself and Vic to my house.

M < can we make this quick? I need to pack a bag...!> I complain. No one answers me and in fact I am slightly alarmed when I see them both heading for my bedroom.

M < hey, what are you doing?!> I exclaim, chasing after them. I find them already in front of my closet, with all the doors open and Andy has already pulled out my suitcase. I usually walk around with a backpack, actually, but I was already planning to fall back on a trolley, too, given the intercontinental flights we're facing.

M < sorry...I would still be here! This would be my house! And those would be my clothes!> I exclaim increasingly alarmed, a little even altered, as Vic grabs a couple of T-shirts from my closet.

V < relax!> they finally deign to talk to me - I think. < we are here to help you! We'll give you a hand, so you can tell us all about it!> I roll my eyes and with determined step I reach my closet.