A Cheers to the Life You Don't Get to Choose //Noah Sebastian

XIV

Three days of not leaving Sloane's bedside, Noah made me come home for the night. He's been going home every night to take care of the animals. It kills him to go but he insisted I am the one who should stay. I fought him when he urged me to come home tonight, but the nurse insisted as well.

She has only had one other seizure so far, but other than that she really does not understand what is going on. How do you explain to a two year old child that she needs brain surgery?

Christmas is a month away and I just want my baby girl home before then. I'm terrified, and so is Noah. He's been my rock, even though I can tell he is fighting some big demons within himself right now.

Pushing open the door, I make my way into the house, throwing my keys down and drag my feet to my bedroom. To my surprise I am greeted by Noah lying in bed watching tv. He pats the pillow next to me and I don't hesitate, I am so physically and mentally exhausted. He pulls me into his side and we lie there in silence for a good half hour.

"I need to shower." I mumble as I roll out of bed. I feel like a zombie.

"Let me draw you a bath." He follows suit and jumps up and beats me to the bathroom. Curse his long legs. "I want take no for an answer, love." I huff and roll my eyes.

Five minutes pass and Noah reappears from the bathroom and shoos me into the bathroom. The bath is ready with a rose petal bath bomb and he turned on some music for me. I strip and carefully step into the tub, lying down in the warmth.

I don't know what I would do without Noah right now. Probably not good things. Noah knocks and pokes his head in and I allow him to enter. He's seen me naked before, I don't care right now. He strolls in with a plate of pizza rolls and as much as I don't want to eat, I cannot resist them.

"Please eat. You barely ate anything at the hospital." I nod and he sets up the tray next to the tub and leaves me alone. He has taken such good care of me, I need to return the favor somehow.

After a while in the tub, I decide I've had enough by how pruny my finger tips are. I step out and dry myself off. Looking in the mirror with my towel around me, I stare at myself. How could I do this to my child? I'm her mother, I should have seen the warning signs, just like I should have with my dad.

I slide down the wall onto the floor and start crying. Tears were leaving my eyes so rapidly I did not hear Noah enter the bathroom. He sits next to me and pulls me into his lap.

"Avery, this isn't your fault. How could we have known?" He coos.

"I'm her fucking mom, Noah. I failed her just like I failed my dad." My heart is breaking. I lost my dad just a while back and now I was close to losing my daughter. Everything is going to shit.

"Please stop blaming yourself. It's going to eat you alive." He pleas.

"I want my baby girl." I cry.

"So do I, sweetheart. C'mon. Let's get you to bed." Noah helps me up and fishes out a t shirt and underwear for me from my closet. I don't have the energy to brush my hair so I ditch that.

To my surprise, Noah grabs my hairbrush. "Sit." He softly demands, pointing to the bed. I sit on my side of the bed. Even though Noah does not technically live here anymore, I still sleep on the left side of the bed just like I always have.

Noah brushes my hair and I am thankful. He hands me a hair tie when I'm done, knowing I can't stand to sleep with wet hair, but I do not care or have enough energy to bother with my hair.

I dramatically lie back on the bed when Noah is done and forcefully hit the pillow with the back of my head. "Why don't you go to sleep, Av?" Noah suggests. "I'm going to head to bed." He nudges his head towards the door, relaying he is going to the spare room.