A Cheers to the Life You Don't Get to Choose //Noah Sebastian

IX

trigger warning: death.

"What's he talking about Noah?" I stare at him in disbelief. He rubs the back of his neck, a guilty and nervous habit of his.

"You are un-fucking-believable you know that?!" I spat. Before I could storm out of the room Noah lightly grabs my wrist and has apologetic eyes.

"Avery.." I pull his hand away.

"Guys!" Brent snaps us out of our silent battle. My dad's heart rate and blood pressure are dropping, rapidly. I start to cry and hold his hand. Brent held his other hand and Noah sat next to me on the edge of his bed.

Before long, the nurse comes in and turns off the machines to avoid any noise to disrupt his peaceful passing. We sat in silence as we awaited my father to take his last breath. He went so peacefully, if only I was prepared better for this moment. But who really does? I bent down and sobbed into my dad's now still chest, Noah rubbing circles on my back. We all sat in silence for what seemed like hours.

"Get out." I mumble to Noah. Brent looks at me with shock. How is he not fuming over this?

"Av-" Brent starts and I shoot a lethal look at him to shut up.

"Noah, I said get out." He looks hurt, but gets up and leaves.

A long while after Brent and I sat in my father's room talking about great memories, we decide to let the nurses do what they need to do. As much as I do not want to let go I know another family needs this room, and there is nothing we can do anymore. I feel so angry. So fucking angry that Noah has known about this from the beginning and didn't tell me. For years.

Brent wanted to go home and take a shower so I gave him a long hug and told him we will meet him there in a little bit.

I found Noah in the lobby with his head in his hands. He wipes his eyes as soon as he sees me. As angry as I want to be, he is all I've got right now.

I sit across from him and just stare at him. So many emotions coursing through my veins that I feel shut down.

"Avery." He tries to reach for my hand across the table but I pull it away.

"How long? How long have you known, Noah?" I clench my jaw.

He says nothing and pulls out a letter from his peacoat that is draped over his chair and pushes it towards me. I cannot bring myself to read this here. Tears prick my eyes once more in the cafeteria and people start to give me sad looks. I hate being the center of attention.

"C'mon pretty girl, we're going to get you to the house." He helps me up and wipes my tears with his thumb, letting it linger. I pull my head away to look in the opposite direction. I don't want his comfort like this, I'm too vulnerable.

The car ride is excruciatingly quiet to the point where I have to plug my phone in and blare Alkaline by Sleep Token through the speakers. When we arrived to the house, Noah refuses to let me take my suitcase into the house so I book it inside. I make my way to the spare room and cover myself, hoping to be alone.

After about a half of an hour there was a small knock on the door. "Av, can I come in?" Brent calls. I don't respond but he comes in anyway.

I sit up and look at him in the eyes. "How are you not fuming at Noah? He lied to us, Brent. For years."

He sighs. "Hey." He takes my hand. "I know this is hard, especially with finding this out, but I think you should talk to him and you might understand better. Noah is not a malicious guy, Avery." He calmly explains, wiping his eyes.

"C'mere." I open my arms and hold my baby brother for a moment until the door creaks open again.

"Avery?" Noah pokes his head in. "Can we talk please?" He asks, barely audible.