spinning- a ride the cyclone fan fiction 🩶

Why? - Jane angst pt. 2 💔

Part 1/3 of my 3 part releases for today 🙂
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Pre authors note:
I am listening to non stop from Hamilton while I write these because I can not play around right now.
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When the choir was done hanging out with Karnak, they went back to their room. Karnak didn't follow because he was busy, as he usually was. They all went back into their room. Everyone sat on a bottom bunk with whoever they were dating. "Hey guys, can I talk to you..?" Jane asked everyone, they were all just sitting around. "Of course you can!" Constance responded. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Ricky told Jane, kissing her on the cheek. Jane watched him leave.

"So.. just yesterday night we talked about my situation, and you guys promised we could talk about it. And right now I really need to talk about it." Jane said, Rocking back and forth. "You're worrying me. But of course we can." Noel said. "I have been seriously worried for you though. You seem on edge always, you've been really emotional." Ocean told her. Jane cleared her throat. "I try my hardest not to cry at all. I just get really emotional. I hate it. I cry all the time and it has to be the most annoying thing ever." Jane said, looking down. "Do you want me to sit with you while you wait for Ricky to come back?" Noel, her best friend, asked. She nodded and he went over to her. Jane was worried she was going to cry. Noel held Janes hand, signaling for her to start. (Platonically ‼️) Jane opened her mouth and shut it. This was her strategy for when she knew she was about to cry. She finally started. "I just have this empty feeling. I'm never completely happy. I just have this overwhelming sad feeling almost. I'm scared." Jane said, not crying yet. She was trying to be as strong as she could. She looked up at the dim light. Mischa looked at her from across the room. "Anxiety?" He asked. "I don't know." Jane replied to him, bouncing her leg. "Hey, it's ok Jane." Noel said, putting his hand on her knee, trying to calm her down. Jane opened her mouth again. "I just don't know anymore. I try to sleep everything away but I can't do that forever. This empty feeling won't go away. And as much fun as I have every day, it just doesn't feel as nice as it would if I was like you all.
I'm really sad." Jane said, her head down. She looked at the floor, hoping it would hide the fact she was about to cry. She got so mad at herself for being so emotional. She wanted to be like everyone else, because they never cried as much as she did. Ocean looked over at her. "I'm so sorry. Sometimes I just forget that it's different for you than it is for us. I want this time to be nice for you. I want you to just be happy. I want you to be at peace here." She told her. She ran over to hug her just as Jane had ran to hug her last night. Jane hid her head in Oceans shoulder. She couldn't help it anymore, she had started crying. Her shoulders started shaking.

Noel leaned on her shoulder. When ocean backed away, Jane tried to gather herself. She was so upset, she got kind of mad. She wanted to say something, but she ended up yelling. "Why did none of you care about me when I was alive? If you guys had cared, someone would have known me and then I'd be just like all of you!" She screamed for the first time at the choir, who all quietly gasped, looking at each other. Jane screamed. No one had any idea what to say. Noel started to cry. Not because he was sad that Jane said that, but because he felt so bad for her. Jane continued to just scream while Ricky walked in. "What the hell is going on?" Ricky asked, watching Jane scream and Noel cry, and everyone else stare. "Jane is really upset right now." Mischa told him. Ricky sat by Jane on the side that Noel wasn't sitting on. Jane looked at Noel and started crying. "What the hell is going on?" Jane asked, laughing and crying at the same time. Noel hugged Jane's arm. Jane and Noel were friends because they were so similar, and they both cried together the exact same way. Constance got nervous and asked, "do you want to take a break or do you want to talk to us all, Jane?" Jane pulled herself together and said, "I want to talk to you guys right now." They all went and sat around her. Jane said, "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I acted like that. Sometimes I can just get really  upset and I can yell like that. Like on the day we thought someone would be brought back and we all sang those songs. I can get really sad. It's no one's fault that they didn't find me. Im sorry." She said, sincerely. "Don't worry about it, Jane." Ocean said. Everyone agreed. "I've just, I've really needed to talk to you guys about it but I didn't know if you guys would like it." Jane told them. She felt really vulnerable, she hugged onto Ricky, who still thought she was the cutest thing ever even while she cried and screamed. "We all love you no matter what." Ricky told her. She smiled. "Do you feel any better?" Noel asked her. "A lot better.  Thank you, all of you, for listening. It's been helping me to talk to you." Jane smiled at them all. "I'll listen to you any time." Ricky smiled, kissing her forehead. Mischa whispered to Noel, "they still are weird even in the middle of Jane having a whole mental breakdown." Noel pinched him and said, "stop. If I was upset I hope you'd kiss me and tell me you'll always listen to me." Mischa raised his eyebrows. "I would, but..." Noel pinched him again.

"How about we all go outside and Maybe drink like we did that one night." Ocean asked. "To take her mind off things." She mouthed to everyone but Jane. "That sounds good to me." Noel said, mouthing, "that was terrifying."

"I'll bring the vodkas, then." Mischa told them, smiling.
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Authors note:
The next 2 chapters will be ships. Not blackrose, sorry! I obviously will write more chapters with them, I'm currently just trying to figure out how to write them because I'm not having an easy time doing so. I love you all 😁
ALSO, my new discord is @mariya03817 (I just made it) so feel free to add me!
-Love Mariya ❤️

Word count: 1150!