Sorellina

Pain

Pain...

As long as I can reel back my memory, all I can remember is immense pain. The word pain has become my long time companion. Wounds heal, scars fade, but they leave behind pain that is forever carried by the victim. The scary part is that you know that you are going to suffer through that pain everyday.

That's my life in a nutshell. I am Angelina Smith, a 14 year old who has been shipped from one foster home to another. The worst part is that every time it just kept getting more and more bad. I am not sure if my birth parents named me Angelina , I don't think so they bothered to give me a name at all. I think got this name in the orphanage. I have no idea if my birth parents are alive, if they are then why they abandoned me? Maybe I was a result of one night stand or accidental pregnancy. These questions will never get answered.

First time I got adopted when I was three years old by a sweet couple named Janice and Robert Bennett. They tried having a kid for a long time but ended with getting to know that they can't conceive naturally. Hence, they decided to adopt from the orphanage and ended up adopting me because they loved the vibrant green color of my eyes or at least what they used to tell me. I think they adopted me because my eyes slightest bit matched Janice's eyes. They wanted a biological kid of their own but as they couldn't so they decided to adopted who matches somewhat features with them. They ended up naming me Angelina. 

I stayed with them for 3 years until I turned 6. They got divorced and hence I was thrown back into the orphanage. My younger self was surely disappointed but not shocked. I saw it coming. It was all happy and joyous in starting because they were genuinely trying to make an efforts to be good parents but soon clashes started to happen between Janice and Robert. Janice was adamant to have her own child. She didn't want to parent a adopted kid. Robert always tried to reason with her that I am a wonderful kid and how happy I make them.

 I don't know if I actually made them happy but I always tried to be on my best behavior. I knew my limits, I was just an adopted kid. I was already grateful enough that they chose me and brought me to their home. I knew my place so never demanded anything or never complained about anything. I just wanted to fit in so that I won't be sent back. I heard from people in orphanage about foster families being mean to the kids, I didn't want to end up in such home too. I always studied hard and even tried to help Janice in minor home chores hoping to make a bond with her.

But it seemed Janice didn't want to be a mother to me. She would be sweet at times but would just snap at times saying I can never be her daughter so I should stop trying so desperately. When  Robert had enough he decided to get a divorce. Robert said he couldn't provide me the gentle touch of parenting without the mother in picture so he apologized and sent me back.

***flashback***

I ran downstairs with a small white handmade card in my hands. I made it for them. I think they are upset, they were fighting this morning. I heard Janice saying that she  doesn't like it when I call her mom. I know its my fault, I shouldn't have called her mom. Dad tried to tell her that I was their little daughter angel but mom... No I mean Mrs. Bennett said  she can't keep me anymore.

I made a sorry card for them. I hope they won't be upset with me anymore. I will try to be a good  girl now on. As I reached downstairs I saw Mr. Bennett and Mrs. Bennett being upset again. 

"I can't believe you are leaving me because of a god damn child who is not even our blood. Rob why do you want to get separated? Is it because of that girl?" shouted Janice.

"Snap out of it Janice. Its not because of Angelina. It's because you are driving me crazy since last year. Your obsession of having a baby of your own is driving wedge between us. Doctor has told us so many times that you can't give birth to a baby. When will you let go of this obsession of yours? I wanted to have a happy family for which we decided to adopt Angel. You never even treated her like a kid let alone your daughter. That poor soul always tried to be on your good side and yet you never showed enough care towards her. I can't be with you anymore. Its too much. You are too much Janice. We are done." Said Robert while throwing his hands in air to show is anger and frustration.