Bewitching Rebecca Patricia Armstrong

Chapter 34

:short update ahead

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Becky

I was standing at the balcony of my house that highlights that city lights at night. Margarita resting on the table while a glass of wine is in between my fingers. I was sipping savouring the sweet and sore drink that slowly travelled down my tongue up to my throat.

"Babe." Charlotte sat adjacent to me. Her mask coating her face as she nestled on the opposite couch in front.  "What are you thinking?" She asked.

"Nothing." I lied. The truth is there is a lot in my mind. There are things that heightened my feeling of grudge and lessen the feeling of sympathy. It's as if my heart had grown numb from all the recent issues and conflicts i've been through.

" I know you Becca. You wouldn't be drinking your ass up here if you are not thinking about anything." Charlotte replied.  "How did your appointment with Freen and that engineer? How did it go?" I sighed. I still can't stomach the reality that I am deeply affected by it when Freen is intimate with someone. I can't let that happened, I can't let her lay a finger on my neck again and wrapped me around her finger the second time around.

"It was fine." I prompted taking another glass of wine.

"What's your plan about her? You know, Fin might  know already that she is her mother, what will you do by now? What's your plan?"

" I got a lot on my mind Lottie. A lot that I didn't know from which point I am gonna start. I don't know from which thing I am gonna begin with." I replied. " Freen... She's—there's something about her that make me really weak in the knees. Something about her that only she possess. Something that no one else have with them."

"What do you mean?"

"Freen's cold Charlotte, she rarely show emotions. And I am totally swayed by the fact that a lot of her change when she met Fin. But that's what I fear the most. I fear for the day that she will be going back to the same her again. To the same Freen and Fin is around to see it."

" What if she won't be the same Becky? I can see she's trying. She's being better... Can't we just wait and see how it goes with her?" Charlotte asked, her voice was convincing me to agree but something in me just can't let her in.

It's hard.

" Can't you just give her a chance to really  be herself? Express her own feelings and be true?" That's Charlotte, she's kind and understanding. Super understanding that she would still stoop down so low just not to hurt anyone else. And I sometimes hate her for that.

"It's not easy Char. It's easy for you to say forgive her because it's not you who experience hell in her hands. It was me, I suffered. I was the one who shoulder every of her wrath that sometimes my heart felt too numb to even feel the cut of her actions. That’s the funny thing about old hurts―they just wait for new heartache to come along and then show up, just as sharp and horrible as the first day you woke up with the world changed all around you.  And then she suddenly showed up, as if nothing happened, as if everything is okay."

"Then what do you want her to do Bec? The past is already in the past, the damage has been done and now if you really hate the idea of her being here then why didn't you even tell her clearly that you don't want her around?"

" It's no fun if I let her go easily.  It's like freeing your prey without having the time to eat." I replied. There was a sheepish grin in my lips that I myself is unable to analyze. But I know I crave to do something else. Something that will mend the broken pieces of my heart. Something that will warm up the turmoil in the depths of the unspoken tension. When I married Freen I got a lot of doubts and uncertainties, but because I felt something towards her, I inch closer and accepted my fate. But somewhere along the way my mind always wanted if I really want to stay on this road longer, knowing it was only going to end in devastation. I was scared about the outcome but I was hoping to see how she would change.

I thought I could change her. But you can never change a person.

Often, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else could, by being unkind to ourselves. Assess the damage, process the grief, but also acknowledge that you did what you could at the time and the rest was not in your hands.

"Be clear with her Becca, if you don't want her around. Make it clear and precise that you don't. Not that your words and actions are contradicting with each other. You're only leading her on."

"And that's what I wanted."

"What?"

" Do you think I would easily just forget about the things she did and made me feel? Hell no. She maybe a mother to my child or still my wife but that doesn't mean I won't be paying back.  I have to, and I wanted to." Charlotte look at me puzzled, her eyes was worried but I already decided. "Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word. "Revenge is like a ghost. It takes over every man it touches. Its thirst cannot be quenched until the last man standing has fallen. And until Freen hasn't fallen yet I would keep on pulling her close."

"What do you mean?" She asked. " Becky are you planning something?" I shook my head. I'm not planning to kill the woman. I am only planning to give her a lesson. And we haven't even begin yet. We were just starting.

"I'm not gonna do anything." I started." I admit that repentance is nice,but I like revenger better. I'm gonna make her want me..."

"Fall inlove with me..."

" Make her believe that I wanted the same thing."

"Make her start to fantasize about the future ahead of us... "

"Make her feel like I love her so much...and when she is down bad, when she's gonna want nothing else but me. My touch, my warmth. My body, when she's gonna hate how I consume all of her." I paused.

"I'm gonna break her heart more than she broke mine. I will hurt her that nothing else her heart will feel but the pain from my revenge. The pain of being played over and over again. I'm gonna leave remnants not on her skin nor  her body but in her innermost flesh. I'm gonna leave a mark of the pain I inflected upon her until she beg me to stop it from hurting ."