The Camping Trip

Connor McKinley

~Notes~

Hiya Readers!!! The next part reflect on McKinley's childhood! I wrote this in the back of World Views at school so it's not up to top-notch standards! Very dialogue heavy (Don't know why I cannot write normally at the moment but oh well) Hope you enjoy :D

TW:  Very brief mention of self-harm, homophobia, homophobic slurs.

Please be careful when reading!!!

Connor McKinley's POV

My name is Connor Donald McKinley and I was born on the 13th of December, 2004. I have always known that I was different from the rest of my family. I have always known that I was different to the other boys at school.

...

I sit at the green play table. Pink paint coats my white shirt as I try and smear it back onto the paper. 

"Are you alright over here, Connor?" Mr Rannells says as he smiles across at me. 

"Yup! I'm painting a picture for my sister because she's going to big school!" I reply, grinning at the kind man who is now sitting opposite me. He examines my photo for a second before looking up at me.

"You've got a bit of paint on your face, bud!"

I turn to face myself in the mirror. There's pink paint smeared across my forehead, masking a few of the flaming freckles. My red hair is messy and hangs down in front of my face.

"I guess I do!" I grin back at him.

"Nothing a bit of water won't fix! C'mon, let's get you cleaned up,"

Together, we both walk towards the sink, my hands outstretched in front of me because I didn't want to get any more paint all over myself.

"Oh wait! Before we take this off, can I just add one last thing to my picture? Pretty please?" I remember the pot of golden glitter I had chosen from the art trolley.

"Go for it!"

And with that, I run back towards the art table, trying to not trip over my own feet as I go. I quickly sprinkle some golden glitter over the mess of bright pink paint and deem my artwork complete.

"Done it!" I shout joyfully as I run back over to Mr Rannells. I hop up onto the stool as he begins to gently rub my face with a soft yellow flannel. 

"That's great, buddy!"

We sit there like that for a while. After he finishes, he begins to clean the paint out of the towel.

"Mr Rannells, I have a question,"

"Fire away!"

"Can I get married to a prince?"

"I mean, if you want!"

"Even if he's a boy?"

"That doesn't matter! As long as you love them and they love you, you can marry whoever you want!"

"That's good because when I'm older, I want to marry a prince and live with him in a castle, in New York! We'll have like, loads of animals and it'll be the best ever!" I squeal, now kicking my legs in excitement.

"That sounds great Connor! Now, how about we get that painting onto the drying rack so that it's dry by the end of the day, yeah?"

...

"Mommy, Mommy! I want to live in a castle in New York when I'm older!" I say, bursting in through the front door after just leaving the school bus.

 I had my oversized batman rucksack on, the one my Mom had chosen especially for me, with my sister's painting inside. I have been looking forward to giving it to her all day.

"That's lovely Connor!" my Mom calls unenthusiastically from the kitchen. The radio is playing pretty loudly so I can't tell if she had heard me or not.

"An- and I'll marry a prince and we'll have loads of animals an-"

The music paused.

" A... princess?"

"No, no, no, Mommy, a prince! Like another boy!"

I'm bouncing off the balls of my feet because of how excited I am. I grin at my Mother who has now emerged from the kitchen. 

"Connor, dear, two boys can't love each other! Heavenly Father hates boys who do that and you will be sent to the underworld if you ever have those thoughts! " she pauses a moment as the smile drops from my face. "Who told you that this was ok?"

"Mr Rannells but-"

"Go to your room."

"But Mommy-"

"Go to your room. I'll call the school and tell you what that filthy little faggot taught you and that you will never be going back there again!"

...

"Connor... we need to talk..." My mother says as she sits down opposite me on the sofa. I knew something was immediately up. They couldn't be asking what I wanted for my fourteenth birthday already, right? I mean, it was only June!

"What's going on, Mom?"

"Me and your father have made a... compromised decision to remove you from dance. It's just too... how do I say this, influential to your decisions and behaviour..."

"But Mom- Mom I need to do dance I mean I need to do it plea-please don't do this-" I say as  a tear rolls down my cheek. 

"Connor, it needs to be done. No woman is going to fall in love with a boy who just flails around to faggy songs all day and night! She'll want a big strong man who plays soccer and goes fishing!"

"It is not 'f-faggy' it-it's just - you are the worst fucking Mom ever."

I leave the lounge and storm up the stairs locking my bedroom door behind me.

...

That was the only time I have ever self-harmed. It was a stupid thing really, just making a small scratch on the back of my hand which didn't even contribute to relieving the sadness. I had instantly regretted it. I began to get myself so worked up about it that in the end I spoke with the school counsellor, telling her about the situation who than had a talk with my Mom. 

Later that night, my Mom came up to my room and sat at the foot of my bed. She was trying to have one of those Mother-to-Son bonding talks but it just turned into her gaslighting me. She convinced me that I had made myself drop out of dance and that it was all my fault, but she was allowing me to go back.

...

I love dance to this day; I could be the real Connor McKinley and not just some dulled down version. I could sing along to show tunes in the dressing room with my dance family, I could gossip about how much I adored The Spice Girls with my dance family and I could even wear a sparkly pink waistcoat around them, for Christ's sake!

Although, I could do that with my District Nine family too. 

If somebody asked me 'would you prefer to go back to dance school or go on a crazy mission to Africa where it turns into a slightly problematic adventure but you meet the love of your life and find your true family?' 

Definitely the second option.