Unknown number[JENSOO]

11

A tremulous spring wind roamed the Parisian boulevards, all the greenery bloomed every day, painting the city in emerald colors. The warm sun's rays made their way through the gaps in the thick, fluffy-looking clouds.

It would seem that spring has come, but winter, it seems, did not want to leave, reminding of itself with cold gusts of wind, light bites of frosty touches, the frozen ground underfoot.

Jisoo was walking around the market on Boulevard Richard Lenoir. Under the famous monument on the Place de la Bastille, where two famous streets began to open every Thursday and Sunday morning, capable of charming even the most fastidious French gourmets.

In order to buy the best and freshest things, she came early with a backpack on her shoulder and several grocery bags. Her face was calm, although tired and devoid of strength, her bottomless eyes seemed relaxed, but one could see dullness and discontent in them.

Do you know what the worst part is? When it seemed that everything was fine, really good, no quarrels, scandals or anything like that, then in an instant everything becomes bad, like a bolt from the blue.

And the reason for this is neither parents, nor friends, nor anyone else, not even Jisoo.

It just happens, whether you want it or not, whether you expect it or not, it happens. And there's nothing you can do about this unpredictable feeling, you just have to wait, or at least blunt it a little with all possible distracting methods.

This feeling drove Jisoo to an emotional breakdown for these three days in a row. And the bad thing was that she wasn't at home these days. She, of course, tried to suppress it so as not to take out her anger on her grandmother, however, her grandmother did not understand her silence.

Those who don't understand your words are unlikely to understand your silence.

This week she spent nights at her grandmother's. Her grandmother needed help with household chores, and she couldn't refuse. She wandered around the shops, walked around the market, buying fruits and vegetables, paid the rent at the post office, helped clean the house, walked the dog and much more.

Staying in her apartment or in her grandmother's house was almost no different, she was either reading a book, watching something, or drawing. So almost nothing has changed, only the constant conversations have changed, too many conversations, she was not able to keep up the conversation for so long.

Her grandmother liked to talk, but Jisoo liked the opposite, she preferred peace and serenity.

This week she was too weak and worried. It was as if a siren was constantly buzzing in her body, warning of danger. Fear tickled her heart almost continuously. Just looking at her, you would have noticed how fear and anxiety flashed in her eyes. However, she managed to suppress it a bit, so no one paid attention.

It feels like you are falling into an abyss, into a deep abyss, where there is only darkness and loud heartbreaking thoughts and nothing else, and no one will be able to get you out of there, no one will even notice how you fell there.

If Jisoo tells anyone about what she has experienced and felt, all she will get is misunderstandings and smacks of stupidity and paddocks. If only such stupid people knew what a person with an anxiety disorder is actually experiencing in addition to depression - it's worse than any nightmare.

She was trying to pull herself together, and she was only able to do it when watching movies. Her brain seemed to be distracted not by itself, but by what it was processing when receiving information in films and dialogues.

She noticed something strange when she watched movies where the characters suffered from something like mental disorders or their non-standard expression, they somehow allowed her to feel a little better. It was as if they were letting her know that she wasn't such a bad or strange person. Or rather, they made it clear to her that she wasn't the only one who somehow had a different personality, her gloomy mindset or inability to live a full life.