A Black Comedy

CHAPTER NINETEEN

"You know, putting Grimmauld under a Fidelius isn't that bad of an idea, even if we do move Bellatrix into her own place."

"If?" Sirius squeaked. "What do you mean if? And you've got a problem Harry. Your solution to everything is putting it under Fidelius. It's not healthy."

"It's a fantastic charm," Harry indignantly argued.

"And if we put it over our place that would mean no more bringing muggles home."

Harry shrugged. "I know. But we made the decision against it before we publicly kicked Voldemort's ass."

"Our gift though, Harry," Sirius pleaded. "We should use our gift. We owe it to sex. You know we do."

Harry always had trouble arguing against sex.

"And don't give me that hotels or their places bollocks," Sirius said shaking his finger.

"Fine," Harry said. "I'm not saying we have to. But give it some consideration."

They arrived at the entrance to the newest branch of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes located in Hogsmeade. Harry opened the door and let Sirius in first.

"Attention shoppers," Sirius yelled loudly. "There is an extremely irritable werewolf in here. Do not antagonize him."

"Sirius," Remus called out from behind the cash register wincing at the sudden yelling. He rubbed his ears, grateful that the store was currently empty. "I'm not above jinxing your eyebrows into thinking they're foreskin."

Sirius blinked. "That would make my head look really odd. Both of them, come to think of it."

"You feeling okay, Moony?" Harry asked as he leaned on the counter next to Remus.

Remus half-heartedly grunted positively. "Considering last night, yeah, about normal."

Sirius was still walking through the aisles looking at the goodies for sale. "I bet you'd be feeling better if you just let me keep you company, instead of you know who."

"Voldemort?" Harry inquired.

Remus turned to Harry. "You think I spend the full moon with Voldemort?"

Sirius laughed as he picked up a product, smelled it, and set it back down. "I'd forgotten about all those nicknames like You-Know-Who."

"Bleh," Harry said sticking out his tongue. "Easy for you to forget them. You never even got one after breaking out of prison."

"I should have gotten one," Sirius realized and began to daydream aloud.

"He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Contained."

"Twelve years," Remus reminded.

"For-Too-Long," Sirius added.

Harry decided not to crush his godfather's hopes of being nickname worthy. "I swear if I heard Hermione's spiel about 'fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself' one more time, I was going find You-Know-Who and jam my You-Know-What You-Know-How into his You-Know-Where… hole."