A Black Comedy

CHAPTER FOUR

"A halfbreed! A mudblood! A bad Master!" Kreacher shrieked excitedly. "Oh good Master! You even brought your own dead muggle-lover!"

"Kreacher," Harry snapped trying to shake the elf loose. "Stop humping my leg. That's an order."

"I'm so sorry, Master," Kreacher pleaded. "Kreacher will do better. Do you want Kreacher to put away your things?"

"You rotten little crap-bubble," Sirius chuckled at the insane elf. "We're not his things."

Kreacher looked confused and turned towards Harry. "Master?"

"They aren't my things," Harry instructed still uncertain how he felt like dealing with Kreacher. "Remus and Tonks are friends and guests. Sirius is not the same Sirius you used to know. And Ginny... well I guess she is my very own dead muggle-lover."

Ginny's cheeks brightened in a ghostly blush and whispered towards Tonks, "Harry said I'm his lover. He's so cute when he's possessive."

"He is kinda cute," Tonks admitted conspiratorially.

Ginny glanced between Tonks and Harry. She leaned in towards Tonks, "You know now that you're not married to your dad, you could morph to look like me and go out with my Harry. I'd be fine with that." Ginny was doing a fair impression of Dobby, she was nodding so fast.

Tonks saw Ginny was a little too enthusiastic at the idea.

"I wouldn't mind," Ginny explained. "I could even help you with all the bits and parts that you can't see. Stupid ghost robes."

"Maybe later," Tonks said silently adding 'or never.'

Tonks noticed how dust covered the kitchen and back entrance were. "Hey Harry, you mind if I go exploring?"

"Knock yourself out," Harry said waving towards the entry hall and living room. As Tonks left the room, Harry whispered to the two Marauders, "I'm curious if the troll leg umbrella stand is in this dimension."

A loud crash and clang indicating the Auror tripped was followed by a shout of "Son of a-"

Tonks' yell was interrupted by a familiar screeching voice. "Mudblood! Filthy mudblood whore!"

"Guess so," Harry grinned.

"Home sweet home," Sirius exclaimed with a wistful smile.

"A warmer welcome you'd be hard-pressed to find," Remus said.

"Shut up, you bloody hag!" Tonks yelled from the front hall.

"You're going to die, you filthy mudblood whore!"

"You hear that Moony?" Sirius said with a playful elbow. "You're the proud father of a filthy mudblood whore."

"Bad Master?" Kreacher questioned curiously at this new attitude from his other Master.

"I'm not a Sirius Black you've ever met before," Sirius explained to the little elf as he walked out of the kitchen.

Sirius reached into the entryway and spotted the offending portrait. "Hello mother."

The portrait stopped her incessant shrieking at Tonks and looked at Sirius in wonder. "Can it be... Sirius?"

"Sirius, as in your dead son who secretly pledged himself to the Dark Lord and has only just now been reborn under the Dark Lord's awesome power?" Sirius offered seeing the hopeful smile on his painted mother's face. He chuckled happily, "No."

Mrs. Black huffed. "You clearly have the disappointment's attitude."

"There's the pet name every child wishes their mum would call them," Sirius retorted with a sigh.