[05] You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

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LILY

"So...why are you being so silent...?" My friend, Mara, asked me as she sipped on her coffee. I walked by her side, heading towards the library since my shift was about to start. "I have to tell you something..." I mumbled and I could see her rolling her eyes and sighing exasperated. "If it has to do with Damon Torrance, I don't want to know." She said, and skipped on the stone stairs of the library before stopping, climbing back down and reaching me. "What happened?" She asked me, her eyes sparkling with curiosity but she also looked like she was about to kick his ass.

We reached the upper floor of the library, settling down at the small sitting area near the shelves of books. It was morning so the library was still a bit empty, some students loitered around downstairs but other than that it was pretty silent. I told Mara about what happened with Damon, not going into the details of what he told me about his mother and his past. It didn't feel right to me to tell other people without his permission, it was too much. Way too much, too private, too heavy.

"So...he basically assaulted you." Mara said, pinning me down with a judging stare, and I knew she was worried but she always kept it real with me. She was my only friend, the only one who didn't care about being popular or rich, she was like me. A normal girl.

"I-...okay, it sounds like this, but he didn't do anything..." I tried to explain, but I knew it didn't make any sense. True, he threw me on the bed and ripped my clothes off, his dick was literally touching my pussy, but there was something there. Like a part of him wanted to stop, and won. Because he stopped.

"What do I do now?" I asked her for advice, and stared at her with pleading eyes. I needed some help, I wasn't sure about what to do. He told me to forget about him, but then we saw each other again, and there was that whole little scene at the library in the city. What if I saw him again, could I leave him just like that? I wondered if I was taking on my shoulders a responsibility that wasn't mine. I didn't have anything to do with him, we barely knew each other.

"Deal with him like you deal with all of your problems." Mara told me, leaning back in the leather armchair and finishing her coffee. I stared at her blinking slowly. "Like...think about a solution and act-" "No. You ignore it till it goes away." She interrupted me and I couldn't help but furrow my eyebrows at her. That wasn't how I dealt with my problems, it happened...two...maybe three times. Okay fine.

"Mara, I can't ignore him, what if he doesn't go away? Like what do I do next time he shows up at my door at 3 a.m, which he seems to like to do." I said, unable to keep my sarcastic tone hidden. Mara sighed, her hazel eyes scanned at my form. "Stop doing that.." She simply told her, and I shot her a confused glance. "Stop doing what?" "Stop seeing him like a character in your books, Lily. He's handsome, popular, a red flag, with a dark past...all the characteristics of fictional men you fall in love with...The type of characters you want to save."
She said, seriously as she leaned toward me, a worried look in her eyes. I stilled, as my brown eyes locked with hers. She wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean anything. Right?

"You can't save him, it's not your responsibility to do it. You have your own struggles, you're barely making ends meet with your current situation. You can't lose sleep to help someone who can't be saved." She continued and I knew she was right. I was 18 now, so any help I could ask to the city hall was gone and my job at the library covered my main expenses like rent, bills and my parents' burial spot. I had to cut down on groceries, I haven't bought new clothes in almost two years.

"I know, okay. You're right. I don't see him like those characters...I'm not in love with him..." I said, averting my eyes. I wasn't sure about that part. I never had a crush before, on a real life person I mean, and I barely interacted with men as well. He was a lot of "firsts", and could have been even more "firsts".

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