The Magic Of Mateo

Now and Then

It's been an odd week. Since my faux pas and total teardown of me and Harris' relationship on Christmas, things have been fine. And not. I'm not talking about the boyfriend thing, I mean screaming awful things at him from inside the tent.  We've landed on speaking a lot of Spanglish. He mostly plays off me though, answering in whatever language I use. He has no qualms about throwing in an English word or two and I've learned to tell by his inflection whether or not he wants me to translate and teach him the word, which is what happens more often than not, or if he's in a rush he'll just breeze through it and leave it to me to translate in my head. It's a lot easier than translating all of it, that's for sure.  Now I've started doing it in reverse and when I do speak English with him, it's sprinkled liberally with Spanish words.

I'm often still sleeping when he leaves for work and sometimes he works late or I leave early and we miss each other in the evenings but we have shared the space a few times since then. He's acting like I didn't call him a liar, asshole and jerk and I'm trying to not be in his way. I don't like it. I'm outside painting my nails black when he gets home on Friday. We'll only have a bit of time together; I definitely need to work tonight and need to remember to go get my clothes out of the dryer as soon as my nails are dry. 

I have a question for him although if I ever gave thought to what's coming out of my mouth before opening it, I'd realize that he is not the right person to ask. Still, he's here so he's the victim. "Hello Harris. I have a question when you have time."

He kicks his shoes off on the mat we have at the foot of the stairs, sits down in the chair next to me, and puts his bad foot up on the little crate we use mostly as a stool. "I'm all yours."

See? So nice. Also very mixed messages. He made it clear that he does not want to be mine in any form. He will be because the universe has declared it and neither it nor I care what he thinks, but he could have just said 'Now's fine'. "I have thought about your suggestion to do cam work and the new phone is all set and ready. Thank you, again."

"Glad it's working for you."

"I do not know if I must look like I'm enjoying myself. Should I show my face? Do I have to make stupid noises? I mean, usually I just lie there and don't have to do any work. I'm not sure I can pretend to like it."

Most people would tell me to fuck off and ask someone else but because he may actually be a saint, he thinks about it. He takes a deep breath, purses his lips, and thinks some more. For a second I think he's not going to answer but then he says "Why don't you just do the things you enjoy, Mateo? The whole point of cam work is to keep you more safe but there are different ways you can be safe. Physically, of course, but also mentally. Just do what you like. Do what you do when you... you know. When you pleasure yourself."

He's blushing. My God it's cute. Also, he doesn't know all the Spanish sex words and slang. Good to know. Random, but he also has gaps in some food. I'm guessing it's food they didn't eat much at the ranch, like avocado. Anyway, how I pleasure myself. Um, good advice but the problem is that "I don't really like any of it." Kissing is great and just being close to someone is nice but the sex stuff? Ugh.

"I'm not a sex therapist, Mateo. Literally anyone else could help you with this more than I can but maybe it would be good for you to spend some time figuring out what you like. It sounds like you've been a pretty passive participant most of the time which I get, that's sort of how sex work goes for a lot of people, but maybe you never learned..." He shakes his head. "Make your username 'Learningtoloveit' and show you exploring things. People would love it, I'm sure."

I don't think he quite understands, it's not like I've never touched my own cock. But it may be really, really good advice. Men love naivety and I'm small enough to pull it off. If I have to deal with freaks they may as well be behind a screen. Right? Harris stands, probably more than ready to head inside and get something to eat. Speaking of which "I had lunch and some is left in fridge."