A Touch Of Hate

Chapter 20

Verity

The cold of the hardened glass of the cave pillar dug into my back, spreading its ice, as if trying to immobilize me. And it worked. I couldn't move an inch.

My eyes closed, and all I could do was choke on my rapid breaths, while gunshots and screams echoed off the cavern walls and resonated through the pillar and my body. Screams that could very well belong to my squad members. They were fighting their way in, killing and getting killed. Each sound made my stomach churn, and my heart trip. What if that yell was Hange's? What if the next one would be Armin's or Sasha's? What if Mikasa got too reckless in her eagerness to get to Eren?

What if the Captain got hurt?

I groaned and slid down the pillar and to the floor, hiding my face in my hands. I didn't know what to do. In my whole life, never had I ever felt so lost as in that moment. How could I love so many people standing on the opposite sides? A thought of Kenny getting hurt left a lingering pain in the middle of my chest. Yet, thinking of my team hurt no less, and both tore at my heart, ripping it in two.

Why did it have to be like this? Was it me who was at fault? I picked this path, after all. I broke all the rules that Kenny had engraved into my head during the training. I grew attached. Amateur's mistake, yes. But was it a mistake, really, if it felt so right?

I was beyond help.

Incoming swoosh of the ODM made me jerk, and I scrambled to my feet, reaching for my swords. What was I going to do with them? I had no fucking idea. But my hands stilled, the shaking instantly gone, when my palms felt the rough leather strapping on the handles. My mind went laser focused, and I scanned the surroundings, pinpointing the location of the intruder.

Kenny flew through the pillars on full spread, making a harsh turn when he spotted me. I relaxed as he landed and neared, an uncharacteristic smirk playing on his lips. My gaze roamed his body, noticing the blood on his shirt. Was it his, or...

"Why are you still here?" he asked, and I gulped, lowering my gaze to the ground. I couldn't tell him the truth, but I was also done lying. So I opted for silence, and after some moments Kenny gave up. "Tsk. Heard anything of value?"

"Not much. Historia agreed to her father's offer. Reiss got a syringe with titan's spinal fluid which will transform her when she is injected." I reported. Kenny nodded, facing the opposite end of the cave.

"Great. Now go on. The fight is on full," he said, stepping away. I bit my lip, overwhelmed with the need to know the whole truth. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't just blindly follow him, accepting every lie as a given. I had to know if I was making the right choice, and why all of this was happening to me. The answers felt long overdue.

"Kenny," I called, stopping him just as he was about to fly away. He faced me, an annoyed look twisting his features. My throat dried, and all the words died on my tongue as I stared into his irritated face. The only question broke through the deadlock. The one that I couldn't stop any longer. The one I desperately needed answered. "Why did you save me?"

Kenny chuckled. But there wasn't any humour in it. It sounded like a serial killer's laugh, who marvelled at the fear in the eyes of their prey. "Haven't we been over this?" His tone carried no emotion, and the chill spread through my bones from a sudden change in his expression. He squinted at me, and his lips thinned. A muscle ticked in his jaw, and I knew then.

I was a fool all along.

"Why?" My voice quivered, and I bit my lower lip to keep down the rising sob. He didn't care. All those years, and he still didn't care. Was there anything that actually mattered to Kenny? That fucking dream of his that he wouldn't even share?