Starlight

Chapter 10: Fine whatever

Vote and comment ❄️

I was sitting in his room. Looked at my emails after so many days and replied to them, most of them being spam but a few were useful.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 9 already but he still hasn't showed. Frowning, I stood up.

I walked out of the room and downstairs. I saw Gayatri aunty sitting in the living room, watching a soap opera.

I walked over to her. She saw me and smiled "What happened, Kaira?"

"Oh-um...."

I was about to ask her when the house help opened the door and he stepped in. He looked tired but still had a smile on his face when he saw his mom. He touched her feet.

"Sorry I'm late ma" He said
"Everything okay at office?"
"Hanji. Don't worry about it, everything's fine. I'll just go wash up" He said and started to leave.

I don't know why but I stood up as well and went after him. He was standing by the coat rack, removing his coat.

I carefully stepped behind him and holding it from the collar, I helped him remove it. He stiffened at the touch but then relaxed a little when he realised it was just me.

"Thankyou" He muttered before going upstairs.

I gave him time because I know he's gonna change and stuff and I do not, in any case, want to see him shirtless again.

I went back to the living room.

When Gayatri aunty saw me, a soft smiled played on her lips as she gave me a look. I hesitated to ask her what.

After some time, I knocked on his door.

"Come in" I heard him say and I pushed the door gently before stepping in.

He looked at me and then went back to his work. His laptop was on his lap while he was still in his work clothes. His tie loosened around the corner and his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbow.

I just stood there for some time, I didn't know what to say to him but just wanted to talk about what happened yesterday. But how do I start.

"What is it?" He said without looking up. I shuffled my feet.

"Um" I muttered, barely audible "I just—"

His eyes met mine and whatever it is I was going to say flew away from my mind and I closed my mouth. What is happening to me, god!

He exhale and shut his laptop. I watched him as he stood. "How often does it happen?" He asked.

"What?"

He gave me a knowing look.

"Not that often" I told him the truth "Just when I'm...alone"

My house wasn't that big. My dad's room was right beside mine and I would always sleep with the door open. These dreams only occurred when I was alone in the house.

"Alone?"

I nodded.

"It seemed pretty terrifying. You were screaming. And..and crying. I was in my office when I heard you"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about"

He didn't say anything and waited for me to continue.
"I'm sorry that it disturbed you and I'll-I'll try to control them if possible. I don't want to bother you and I didn't mean to terrify you or wake anyone else up in the house"

He frowned as he walked towards me. His hands in his pockets.

"You don't have to be sorry" He said, his voice almost whisper "You went through something and...you're not over that, it's not something you have to be sorry about"

My shoulders relaxed at his words.

"Have you considered seeing a doctor?" He said
"There's nothing wrong with me. I was just sorry that I woke you up and—"
"I'm not implying there's something wrong with you. But it seems serious"

I couldn't believe he was saying that to me.
"I'm not insane, okay? It was just once. I won't trouble you anymore"

"You know that's not what I'm saying"

"Seeing a doctor would mean that I'm not okay. But I am okay, there's nothing wrong with me. I don't need a doctor to tell me that"

He pinched his eyes shut and pressed on his nose bridge, rubbing his fingers over the bridge in annoyance.
"You need to see a—"

"No" I said firmly "No doctors or psychiatrists or therapists. I'm not insane and I—"

"Kaira!" He said, raising his voice only a little "You don't want to see a doctor? That's fine. It's okay. I don't want to make a big issue out of this topic"

I fell silent. He's annoyed now, great. It didn't take me long to push him to his limits.

"It's just that this place is new" I told him "And I'm still adjusting to all of...this. Give me a few days before I can get comfortable"

"Yeah fine, whatever" He muttered and walked past me.

I huffed in disappointment. He thinks I'm insane now. Great.

I should've known all of it would lead to this. To him saying directly to my face that i need help. I'm sick of him.

I threw of the shoes I was wearing and changed before getting into bed and closing my eyes. I'm so furious that my head started aching.

It was just a dream.

And he's just pissed that I woke him up or something. I'm sure he even regrets holding me the whole night. I feel almost embarrassed to think about the fact that it provided me with comfort and warmth.

And being around him probably would lessen my anxiety but I was wrong.

He's entitled to his opinions. It's okay if he thinks I'm insane. Or that I'm not okay. But a dream, a nightmare, does not imply that.

What if he finds out what actually happened that night? Will he just hand me over to the police?

If a small nightmare makes him believe I need to see a doctor then I'm sure that incident will make him believe I'm a murderer.

When I, infact, am one.

I heard the door opening and closing followed by footsteps.

"Kaira?"

I shut my eyes tightly and pretended to be asleep. The sound of the footsteps started getting close and I had to try hard to make it look like I was actually sleeping.

I heard him kneel beside my side of the bed.

"I know you're not asleep" He said slowly.

I didn't open my eyes. He just sighed and I felt him going to his side and laying down on the bed, the pillow wall between us.

"You want to keep doing this?" He said.

I didn't reply and I could hear him get annoyed already.
"Fine. Do whatever you want, I don't care"

A sad smile appeared on my face.
"Why would you."

It wasn't a question. And he knew it.
He didn't say anything after that and time passed, I heard his breathing get even and realised that he had fallen asleep.

I looked at the clock which showed 3:01.
I couldn't sleep because there were a lot of things going on in my mind. I was reminded of my dad and I hope he's fine.

We're going to meet him in the morning.
It was planned a couple days ago. I want to stay for a few days but I'm not allowed.

He might not even take me there after what happened between us today. But I don't need him to take me with him. I can go by myself.

And I'd even stay.

Who is he to tell me what to do.