The Deep End ✔️

21 - your waters, your fountain [m]

eh, fuck a schedule
couldn't wait
8=====D

—

I had the jitters.

It was one thing to reunite with your ex-who's-not-your-ex for a switch hookup. It was a whole other ballgame to rekindle a spark that had sat in the lost and found for two years with said now-boyfriend. Sure, we'd hooked up at Thanksgiving in an off-hand, drunken mistake of a decision while simultaneously cheating on his girlfriend. But that was when the strings were forbidden to be attached, at least on my terms.

To say it scared me jumping into this head-first would be an understatement—I was shitting a brick and a half. Not enough to regret saying yes to a relationship, but enough to keep my guard up in fear of getting my heart broken.

It had been a long time since I'd committed to someone: Frasier Callahan to be exact. That ended in a burst of despicable flames that truly burned my heart to an irreparable crisp. Maybe I was naive for that one; I should have known it was a dangerous game to play with someone who couldn't accept themselves the way Dallas could in the beat of a heart. Frasier had his own issues, ones that not even I could touch on.

But Dallas had issues, too. For example, the whole cheating situation. I was too afraid to ask about the breakup because the thought of Dallas being heartless enough to dump that girl for me was a tough pill to swallow. And then there was the matter of the fact that he had a girlfriend when we met. He claimed they had broken up for a number of petty reasons and—hey, I couldn't judge a lack of commitment. Hello, King of Trust Issues here. But one of those reasons being I'm into someone else should be a red flag. It was a red flag.

Dallas was a green flag about eighty-percent of the time. But the other thirty was blazing red. He was a brown flag.

My mom's words, 'How you get them is often how you lose them,' echoed in my mind. What was stopping Dallas from leaving me at the drop of a hat when someone shiny and new caught his eye? Especially now that he had a bisexual awakening—the world was open season for a guy like him.

The last thing I wanted, however, was to project those insecurities onto him after we just became boyfriend official. I had to make an effort to at least have a conversation about it at some point, for the sake of my sanity.

Unfortunately, all of that had to be put on the back burner for now because I was thinking with my dick and not my heart. Well, maybe a mix of both. Dallas just asked me to fuck him.

I took him on a very brief and very unproductive apartment tour which included a lot of kissing and bumping into doorframes until we ended up on my bed with me back in his lap. It was one of my new favorite places to be, I decided.

"Are you sure? It's not something you should just jump into. I mean, it takes some prepping and it probably won't be very good your first time because it's like eating a bunch of rocks and then taking a massive du—"

My mouth ultimately shut when Dallas said, "I practiced."

"What?"

He pressed his lips together, looking a bit shy at the direction of this conversation. "Please don't think I just assumed this would happen, but I was kind of hoping, so I did some research and I bought a . . . toy . . . online. And I practiced," he mumbled and though his voice wavered with the confession, his eyes never left mine. I simply gaped at him at a complete loss of words. "Is that weird? I just wanted to be prepared in case, y'know . . . you wanted to do this."

"And what if I didn't? Then you would have fucked your own butt for no reason," I said like an idiot, stifling a laugh into my hand. He rolled his eyes and started pushing me off of him. "No, honestly, that's really hot. Can't get the image out of my head, actually—"