Tiger Inside ||Stray Kids Mafia AU||

Chapter Thirty-Two

Y/N POV

Grief comes in waves.

At first they are so strong you feel swept away. The tides kicking your feet out from under you and forcing gasps from your throat as the water rushes in. Pulling you under. You grow angry with each failed attempt to stay upright. A scream to the skies every time the waters win.

Grief comes in waves.

A more gentle splash of water once you've regained your footing in the sand. Now you can finally feel the warmth of the sun hit your skin, and be able to view the sunset in its beauty. When the joyful moments hold you close and laughter replays in your ears. The waters will calm. Ripples diminish as the waves turn into gentle rolling waters, keeping your body swaying but still rooted.

The fight in the beginning feels pointless. To try and hold steady as you're tossed aside. But every time you've fallen in, you've pulled yourself back up. Your legs strengthen and the large waves don't feel as cumbersome as they did before. They still hit, forcefully trying to push you off balance. But you've learned how to plant your feet, how to push back against them. Letting them merely sway you as each day you take a step forward toward the shore.

Grief comes in waves.

~~~~~

My head snapped toward the door, startled by the sudden knocking. I sat frozen in place for a moment, fingers gripping the edge of my bed as my eyes stayed focused on the locked handle.

I had started to find myself constantly sitting in a state of alert. Each sound feeling amplified as if my mind was in permanent sensory overload.

I just needed the world to be quiet.

"Y/n? Are you in there?" Felix's voice was soft on the other side of the wood, almost timid as he spoke up. I pulled myself from the sheets, slowly clicking the lock out of place and pulling the door open.

Felix's head rose. The look of concern quickly faded as his eyes squinted, a gentle grin growing across his face.

"Hi there!" He chirped, a smile stretching further up his cheeks. His hands gripped my puffy jacket close to his chest, fingers tightly securing a hat against it.

"Hello to you too, can I ask why you have my jacket?" Without a word he held it out to me, stifling a smile giggle.

"Get dressed. Jeongin and I wanna take you out for the night."

"Wha-" He shoved the jacket into my hands when I failed to take it from him. "Lix... I need to get down to the gym I was just about to meet up with Chang-"

"No no. We told him we're stealing you. He can't have you." He reached out, grabbing the door handle. "Chop chop! We gotta get going!" He pulled the door shut, before the sounds of his feet running away could be heard.

I stared down to the jacket in my hands, the faintest smile trying to break through.

Normally, the mystery behind the mischief the two boys were up to would leave me unsettled, nervous, and concerned. Yet in this moment it manifested in something akin to excitement. A twinge of hope in my chest that today might be an easier one.

Stepping foot outside the house might do me good, no matter how difficult it may feel.

Positive.

Just stay positive.

I repeated the mantra in my head as I stepped down the stairs, jacket in hand as I poked my head into the living room.