In your arms

August 10, 2023 - Night of St. Lorenzo

M < it's 19°..> I whisper still a little incredulous that she is cold.

C < I can't believe I spent hours getting ready to end up lying on the floor with a green sweatshirt on and a blanket wrapped around my legs..> I smile.

M < you would have complained anyway if I took you to look out the window of my house: the lights are disturbing..>

C < that's not the right answer..> Carina says and I frown.

M < what is the right answer then?>

C < something like "but no, Carina, you're just as beautiful!" or "thank you for the effort you put into getting ready to go out with me!"> I laugh.

M < that's a given. You are always beautiful...> I try to look into her eyes and not stare at her lips.

C < mh...never take me for granted, Maya..> Carina warns me, but I still hear the irony in her voice. With that said, she turns her face to stare at the starry sky, and shortly after I do the same.

A pleasant silence reigns between us for a few minutes, although in my head thoughts whirl in such a rapid whirlwind that the same sound as a strong wind can be heard. Part of me thinks that tonight's is the decisive night and I'm afraid I can't handle it right.

C < doesn't that look like a heart to you?> Carina suddenly asks, pointing her index finger at the sky. I try to follow her direction, but it's not that easy and I have to laugh.

M < or an ass..> I whisper and hear Carina snort beside me.

C < it's impossible to be romantic with you!> I laugh.

M < you're right, sorry. I can't see the heart, but there I see a tree..> I reply, raising my finger in another direction than hers.

C < do you have the wish ready?> she asks me and I turn to look at it, although I can only observe her outline very closely, while Carina continues to stare at the sky.

M < my wish is much closer than I want to believe sometimes too..>

C < sì?> she asks for confirmation and I nod. I can't say anything else Carina keeps talking.

< however, you're right: it looks more like an ass.> I laugh, barely shaking my head. We spend about half an hour laughing at the absurd shapes we can find at the stars, but neither of us has yet identified a shooting star.

M < would you have the wish? > I ask.

C < I would have it, but I don't really believe in stars..>

M < really? And yet it's romantic, you should..>

C < that one is. I like looking at the stars, I like having someone to share the moment with, but I don't think a shooting star can solve my problems or change the fate of my life..> I nod.

M < is there anything that can change the fate of your life instead?>

C < someone..> she replies and suddenly I notice how the air has changed around us: the complicity has remained, but it has become less playful.

M < someone?> I ask for confirmation, feeling again the fear make everything inside me shake. Carina at this point turns and our eyes meet. She opens her mouth, everything around me moves in slow motion, I hang on her lips for an answer, but Carina only asks if we can get up. I instinctively stiffen, hurting.

M < do you want to leave?> I ask disappointedly and she shakes her head: she smiles, that shouldn't be a bad sign.

C < no. I would just like to change position. Can you sit down and hug me?> at her request I snap like a precise and attentive soldier, like the class geek to the prof's requests and in a few moments I find myself sitting wide-legged with Carina reclining between them, resting her head on my shoulder and her back on my chest. I sigh, drugging myself with her scent and wrap my arms around her, holding her close to me. I feel Carina's body slowly relax against me, and I realize that there is nowhere else in the world right now where I would feel happier.