Letter To Someone I've Never Met

meant to meet again

The next day, I had never woke up so early in my whole life. Or maybe I didn't get to sleep at all. Both. I was excited to see you. On one hand, I was nervous, wondering what to say. On the other hand, I was scared that you faded away like it had never happened.
It's been a while since I put that much effort into my clothes and make-up. I realize only now that I have forgotten to take care of myself. I feel pretty for the first time on a while, I must be, to be next to you.
I jump out of the house, and high school doesn't scare me anymore, actually still a little bit, but if that means I can see you, I am okay with it.
I was running to the bus stop, in excitation. I was daydreaming, in my own world, for once my thoughts weren't killing me, I felt lighter than ever. I had your voice in my ears, I finally managed to put my earphones on, after a time. I was able to listen to your balads without bursting into tears, like old times. When you didn't know me, and we were great like this.
I sat at the bus stop. I was 30 minutes earlier, and I waited for the bus.
You weren't in the first one.
Either in the second one.
I waited the most that I could. But I had to take the third one. You weren't there.
Slowly, I started to think that all was an illusion, that I went crazy out of sadness. That you weren't there, or that I should have followed you until my very last breath. I was hurt. My heart was tearing me apart. But I was familiar with this sensation, it became my daily life after your death. A part of me was still waiting for you, in hope.
I went back to my boring life, without you.
I spent the whole morning thinking about what went wrong. Lunch felt heavier than usual. The remarks of the girls were harder than usual, maybe because I actually took care of my appearance for once. I threw away all my food. I know I should eat but I can't. I was wandering in the hall, waiting until lunch pause end. Then I saw a familiar silhouette. I stared at him as if he were some miracle. He was passing by the stairs, and I decided to follow him secretly. I was walking behind silently. We went to the rooftop, it was forbidden, but little did I care. When I saw him approaching the small wall, the last limit before the void, my heart jumped. All those memories came back running. The news, the tributes, funeral, emptiness.
My legs started running on their own. I was so scared that it could happen again. I would be devastated. So I ran. I ran to him, to stop him.
My hands were squeezing him tightly. My head pressed against his back, I was crying while shouting him not to do it.
He started laughing. He turned himself to me and locked his eyes into mine. He told me that I was wrong. He would never do that. He tried reassuring me.
But only if you knew.
I couldn't believe him, because even if he was saying this with the biggest honesty, his eyes wouldn't lie, and I could see the sadness lie in his, and the stars they usually reflect were looking colder. I could feel the grief he was trying so hard to hide so that no one would notice, but I know, I know you, we are not so different.
He went on with a speech on why he wouldn't try to end his life, but his reasons were full of obligations, not a single thing that he liked. He just finished by saying that he just wanted to feel the wind.
I finally let go of him, still worried.
We were interrupted by a bunch of girls. Maybe they are here for him, because he is kind of popular with girls. He has it all. He is smart, good-looking, gentle, and sings well. He even works as a model on the weekends. The perfect cliche of the perfect boy who never makes waves. But most people ignore the reality  that behind this image, there's a boy struggling. Because people don't want to see it, that's easier.
I could say for sure that it was the group of girls that annoys me at lunch, just by ear, they are so noisy. I started panicking. He took my hand,  and we ran over a small wall that could hide us. We hid there for about 5 minutes, when they finally decided to head back. Then he busted into laugh and  so did I. Time was great, my hand into his. We were beautiful.