There was a knock on Lucifer's door. It had been a couple of days since his and Alastor's date (it very obviously was not). They had been getting along better than usual, and by getting along it means they haven't been in a physical fight for about a day and a half.
The cause of the fight? Lucifer was trying to make some popcorn for Charlie and himself to enjoy whilst watching a crappy soap opera that she loved so much, and Alastor wanted to heat up his homemade jambalaya. They both needed the microwave, and neither were going to let the other use it first.
"I'm making it for Charlie!"
"Well I'm hungry! Would you rather I eat Angel Dust?"
"He's all fluff, you need more meat because you need to put on weight. You have a flat ass and tiny nipples."
"I don't have tiny nipples for your information."
"Sorry, I just assumed everything about you in tiny except your height."
"More than what you have to offer."
"I pulled two hot chicks, trust me, I have a lot to offer."
"You're disgusting." Alastor gave a strained expression, and Lucifer set his popcorn kernels aside. He folded his arms and scowled.
"Your ass is flat. It caves in."
"At least my brain isn't the size of a walnut." With one swift move, Alastor threw his jambalaya into the microwave and Lucifer launched himself at him, hands around the skinny neck of the radio demon. The jambalaya rotated slowly on the spinning plate, a low hum emitting from the microwave.
Alastor spluttered at the force of the hands around his neck, but summoned his shadow arms to copy the action. Now they were at a standstill, Alastor was on the floor, with Lucifer kneeling on his stomach, each of their hands around the other's throat. They glared at each other with ugly snarls until a loud clearing of the throat shocked them both.
"Really guys? You can't even share a microwave?"
"Your father is insufferable."
"Okay beansprout."
"Baked bean."
"Runner bean."
"Pea."
"Carrot."
"Sweetcorn."
"Parsnip."
"Tiny potato."
"Can you guys stop naming vegetables?!" Charlie tugged at her hair and the microwave pinged. Alastor, with an unexpected amount of force, shoved Lucifer off him and grabbed his bowl.
"My jambalaya! See how easy it was to let me go first, Lucifer?" Alastor disappeared into a mist and Lucifer was left with a seething Charlie.
"Dad-"
"Yeah, yeah. The popcorn is coming."
"Just... try to get along with him."
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ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴠɪʟ || ʀᴀᴅɪᴏᴀᴘᴘʟᴇ
Fanfiction❝Lucifer is just upset because my cane is significantly better, his seems to be a bit too girthy. Perhaps he is compensating for something." "Like you'd know." "Can we please stop talking about my dad's dick?❞ • where alastor and lucifer fight over...
