In your arms

May 22, 2023 - Carina's house

M < yes..> I admit, then rush to justify myself. < actually, it wasn't my intention..> I begin to stammer fearing that my actions are more serious than expected. < after I put you to bed, I should have left...you're right...it's just that I fell asleep...and then this morning...that's it...I didn't want to run away like a thief...I...I know, I made a mistake..> Carina at that point interrupts me, bursting out laughing.
C < relax, Maya. I'm messing with you!> I look at her frowning, and she notices right away, because she takes sips her coffee and she asks me from behind the cup < what?>.

M < last night you were upset..> she shrugs.

C < I was annoyed and nervous. Not angry..> she corrects me.

M < what has changed now?>

C < nothing. But you've been taking care of me, it seems, and it's right to be grateful..> I nod, even though I don't like this formal atmosphere at all.

M < okay...do you need anything?> I ask her, as she frowns in puzzlement. < if not, I'm leaving..> I point out. Carina sighs and places the cup on the tray.

C < okay, Maya. What's wrong?> she asks and looks almost discouraged.

M < nothing..> I defend myself stupidly. < you were annoyed, now you're awake and you're better, that's fine..>

C < it's fine, do whatever you want. It's fine with me if you stay, have breakfast with me and let's talk. If everything has to be a burden, go wherever you want..> I remain a moment surprised by her words, which I perceive to be a bit aggressive.

M < you're the one doing all the formal..> I attack, as always to defend myself. Carina sighs heavily, stapling her nose with two fingers.

C < please sit down. My head is bursting and I don't feel like fighting..> I look at her for a moment, then as always I give in. I sigh and hand her the pill she has not yet taken, modulating the tone of my voice, becoming softer.

M < take this..> the voice comes out more like a whisper and she also changes her attitude because she opens in a small smile.

C < thank you..> she whispers and swallows the pill. Now I'm supposed to sit back and pretend I didn't just get so excited just at the sight of the movement of her throat closing as the pill passes. I am at the point where I find every little thing about Carina sexy, and that is the measure of the seriousness of my feelings toward her. I clear my throat, realizing that I was staring at her, and I realize it because Carina flashes me her wry smirk just a moment before she hides behind a forkful of bacon and eggs.

M < can we talk then?> Carina sighs, but nods. < I didn't quite understand why you got annoyed last night..>

C < because I found your question inappropriate at the time..>

M < what question?> I ask a little uncertain.

C < I don't understand why you were interested in knowing about my love history at the very moment when I was about to kiss you..> I sigh.

M < I don't want the impression to pass that I want to control you, want to know everything about you in an oppressive way... it's just that...> I pause, searching for the right words.

C < just that... what?> she presses me.

M < I've already told you it's been so many years and I sense you, I see you've changed a lot...>

C < I am, indeed. But I also felt like we had already told each other that and were moving on..> I just snort, starting to get annoyed, but as always with myself.