Narrator (Ava):
Loitering idly, Benvolio and Mercutio were jobless,
These men did not have anything to do;
Mercutio was cracking sexual jokes, a case so hopeless,
That Benvolio was just about to sue.
Benvolio (Jake): Hey, bro.
Mercutio (Minho): Yeah?
Benvolio (Jake): I think we should go home before that headass Tybalt comes in to fight any of us.
Mercutio (Minho): He won’t fight us.
Benvolio (Jake): How are you so sure?
Mercutio (Minho): Trust the gut; he won’t come here.
[Enter Tybalt]
Tybalt (Changbin): Where’st the fucketh is thou, Romeo?
Mercutio (Minho): …and today, we learn that the gut can be wrong sometimes, too, Benvolio.
Benvolio (Jake): (sighs) Not this adrenaline junkie again.
Tybalt (Changbin): Where is Romeo? Where is he?
[The passersby look at him, judge him, and walk away]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo (Hyunjin): Whaddup, brethren?
Tybalt (Changbin): I’m not your fucking brethren!
Romeo (Hyunjin): Easy, tiger!
Tybalt (Changbin): Whom did you dare to call a tiger?
Romeo (Hyunjin): Okay, Tybalt-
Tybalt (Changbin): Tybalt! How dare you speak my name!
Romeo (Hyunjin): (frustrated) The fuck do I even call you then?
Mercutio (Minho): (eating popcorn) Oh, this is fun.
Tybalt (Changbin): Have you any courage? Fight me right now, bloody Montague!
Benvolio (Jake): Guys, let’s not fight-
Mercutio (Minho): Let them. I wanna see the whole drama.
Tybalt (Changbin): (instigated) You wanna fight? You wanna fight, huh?
Romeo (Hyunjin): My brothers, no-
[Mercutio engages in a fight with Tybalt, and Tybalt swiftly kills him with a sword through his gut]
Benvolio (Jake): Mercutio! Oh, no!
Mercutio (Minho): (coughing up blood) See, I told you that the gut can be wrong sometimes, too.
Benvolio (Jake): (crying) Bro went out with a pun.
Romeo (Hyunjin): (angered) How dare you penetrate your sword into my cousin?
Tybalt (Changbin): That sounds so wrong!
Romeo (Hyunjin): (pauses) Oh, wait, yeah.
Benvolio (Jake): Kids, no fighting anymore-
[Romeo grabs Mercutio’s sword and stabs Tybalt, killing him instantly]
Benvolio (Jake): What the fuck are y’all doing!
Romeo (Hyunjin): Dang, I actually killed him. Oh, fuck!
Benvolio (Jake): Run! Run away like a chicken!
[Exit Romeo running away like a chicken]
[Enter Prince Escalus, The Lord and Lady Montague and Capulet]
Mommy Montague: What happened here?
Benvolio (Jake): (mutters to himself) Why do I always end up being the smart one?
Prince Escalus: Speak, young man!
Benvolio (Jake): Aight, so listen. That Tybalt headass came looking for a fight and killed Mercutio. Romeo and I tried to calm them down, but the deed was done. Therefore, Romeo got all mad, and killed Tybalt, too, fast and furious.
Mommy Capulet: I bet it’s because Mercutio had instigated our young Tybalt!
Mommy Montague: Your Tybalt-Whybalt wasn’t a kid! He should’ve controlled himself.
Mommy Capulet: Control your kid first, old witch!
Mommy Montague: (gasps) What did you call me!
Benvolio (Jake): Did no one hear me?
Prince Escalus:
Once again, your tomfoolery has proven me wrong
About how reckless the youth is;
I thought they were just horny for a schlong,
Because I’d only ever seen them kiss.
Yet, today, this murder has awakened me,
From a long, long, serene slumber;
Romeo is banished, and killed, if the need be,
For he couldn’t commit an act dumber.
Benvolio (Jake): (speechless) …what… why is Romeo banished?
Prince Escalus: Because I’m biased.
[Exit Prince Escalus]
Benvolio (Jake): Bro has the worst luck ever.
YOU ARE READING
Romeo And Juliet but GenZ » hyunsung
FanfictionWho doesn't know Romeo and Juliet? Written in play/script format! [REFER TO 'NOISY NEIGHBOR' FOR CONTEXT OR YOU'LL BE CONFUSED!!]
