Big Brother / Da Ge / The Unknown

Chapter 54

When Wei Zhiyuan left Old Bear's place, the evening lights had just begun to illuminate the streets.

He traced back to the deserted bus stop he arrived from, his shadow stretching long under the sparse streetlights. A gust of wind dispersed the thin clouds, revealing a vast expanse of stars, making the earthly realm seem even more silent.

As the temple served as a tourist attraction, ticket sales ceased after four-thirty in the afternoon, with limited reception hours. Hence, to conserve resources, after half-past five, the interval between the last few buses to the city was forty-five minutes.

Alone at the bus stop, Wei Zhiyuan leaned against the pillar, waiting with his head bowed.

Perhaps some places were indeed conducive to contemplation, like a prison to Weyl's conjecture or the Bodhi tree to Gautama Buddha. Within Old Bear's humble temple, Wei Zhiyuan's inner turmoil, conflict, and occasional bitterness gradually settled after fluctuating.

At first, Wei Zhiyuan couldn't suppress countless thoughts of Wei Qian, the person he longed for day and night, feeling as though he could describe every strand of Wei Qian's hair.

Wei Zhiyuan didn't restrain himself; he indulged in his irreverent desire for that person because soon he might not even have the privilege of longing.

Yet, as the sun descended and the sultry heat dissipated, the scent of sandalwood seeped through the cracks of the ancient wooden frame. His intense emotions fluctuated, eventually quieting down in exhaustion. Somehow, Wei Zhiyuan suddenly recalled the person who died in the cold storage.

Many years had passed, and Wei Zhiyuan had never repented, never thought himself at fault, barely remembering the incident after it subsided.

Now, it was challenging to recall the person's appearance, only the feelings at that time remained vividly etched in his heart. Wei Zhiyuan still remembered the cold touch of the handlebar he encountered when he returned alone from Old Bear's pharmacy, leaning against it and the faint rust scent it emitted.

Why did he kill that person?

Was it hatred?

No... it hadn't reached that level. After all, that person was just a coward who hadn't caused him any substantial harm.

Was it for justice?

Of course not—Wei Zhiyuan felt that if there was such a thing in his heart, the first person he would kill would be himself.

His mental world was closed off, selfish, indifferent, and extreme. Perhaps, when he was in a good mood, he would go out of his way to help a little boy he encountered in the alley, but that was already the limit.

If his brother hadn't been in trouble at that time, would he really have gone that far?

Meditative thoughts brought him back to the summer when he was thirteen, vivid memories replayed in his mind, and a familiar feeling surged up. Wei Zhiyuan suddenly understood—it was the nightmare that had haunted him for over twenty years, that profound sense of powerlessness deep in his bones.

Everything he did was to compensate for his childhood sense of powerlessness, which made him constantly scheming and calculating, even to the point where he committed murder.

But those things were like a gaping black hole, only dragging people deeper. Even if he became a serial killer in the end, he could never mend his heart.

Fortunately, that hopeless crush became his new spiritual support. Looking back, Wei Zhiyuan could ring countless doors countless times for his big brother, but only once, when he laid bare everything and shattered the last trace of illusion, did that support collapse.