Heartbreak

Chapter 5

All of the kids looked at me, their eyes full of envy. They wished that they could hang out with the handsome, cool kid... understandable, honestly.

They were all pretty cheerful kids. I was kinda surprised at them. I took the seat next to Jaycob and greeted him. "Hello, Jaycob!" I blurted out. Damn, it's hard to talk to your crush like that. Before Jaycob could even have a chance to respond, everyone shouted from the other side of the room, "Wow, Emma! You actually talked to your crush for once?"

My heart stopped for a quick moment. You idiots! Why would you say that when you know he's right next to me? Ugh. "No, don't listen to her," I said, giving them a side-eye. This probably all seems overwhelming to Jaycob. Should I try and comfort him, or should I wait for him to respond?

"Ok," he finally said. He seemed kind of shy. Like me, I thought. "So, how are things going for you, besides the breakup, of course?" He picked his head up and looked at me with a sad expression on his face. "Well, that girl was cheating on me, and so because I left her, that's why my friends aren't here," he said, glancing at the chairs where his friends were supposed to be. "Wow," I said. "So they all dropped out of art club just because of you?" He nodded. "That's terrible!" I exclaimed. "I know," he responded.

We were then handed our papers to draw. We both went to get supplies at the same time. The girls were giggling in the background. Is she jealous now? I suppose not if she's giggling like that. I can't help but imagine if she's telling her friends crazy things about me and Jaycob. Well, I mean, the secret was already spilled. What else is there to spill, anyway?

He moved his seat closer to mine. I felt nervous but happy. He's warming up to me, I thought. He's starting to trust me a little more, I thought. That's pretty good for a seventh-grader. I could only imagine how red my face must look. I probably look like a damn tomato. But I pushed those thoughts aside. Maybe I should be talking to him more... my thoughts were interrupted.

"So, how are things going for you?" he asked curiously. "Honestly, not much. My ex and I aren't friends anymore, but that's about it. I was lonely for Valentine's..." Jaycob's gaze darkened. "Oh. Right. Sorry about that. I forgot for a second." He shook his head. "No, it's alright." I looked at him for a hot minute. "Do you think we could be friends? I had finally asked. "Sure. I'll take whatever I can get now," he told me.

Understandable, considering what he's going through. His trust will build in me the more that I'm there for him, the more that I stick up for him. It's gonna be tough considering that I don't have art club every day, and I can't really talk to him in Student Council for that long. I'm gonna have to cherish Wednesdays. And, even Wednesdays will have to come to an end at one point. Sad, I thought.

I suppose I'll ask him some questions. Maybe what he likes to do.

"So, what do you like to do in your free time?" I asked him. "Well, I used to hang out with my friends at 16th Street Park. Can't do that anymore... and, really, I only joined the art club for them, but now they're gone. I know this sounds kinda weird, but I don't draw in my free time." Oh. I hope he doesn't leave now. That would suck. I looked at him, kind of puzzled. "Well then, what do you do in your free time?" He had to think a little before giving his response. "I guess just playing video games. Not much. I'm really just your average 14-year-old."

Oh, he's 14? Damn. I thought he was 13. I hope that's not gonna be a problem for him when I eventually reveal my age at some point. I'm not gonna ask him if he's really 14. I don't wanna waste a second of conversation.

"Okay," I said. Then I realized that the conversation was kinda dying out. How do I bring it back to life? I sort of panicked inside. But luckily, he had something to say. "OK, and what do you do in your free time?" he asked. Without hesitation, I said, "I like to draw and read and sometimes play video games." He nodded. "That's cool."

Mrs. Hall then said it was time to leave. Oh. Damnit. What are we gonna do now? I didn't even talk to him that much. Jaycob looked at me hopefully. "Would you mind walking home with me? I always walked home with my girlfriend but I broke up with her. And my friends aren't here either." Before I could even process what he said, I said, "Sure! Just one minute."

I decided I was going to go over to my friends to check in on them. "So, how are you doing?" I asked them. She looked at me with jealousy in her eyes. "Good, I guess. What's up with you and Jaycob all of a sudden?" Oh damn, they're catching on. "Oh, I'm just helping him out. Being there for him. He broke up with his girlfriend and he's really sad. What, are you jealous or something? Cuz you shouldn't be. Thought you didn't care about love." They all looked at me, bewildered. "Well, um, I knew I wouldn't have a chance anyways. I know that my crushes would say no to me. Plus, I'm fine with being single, it's just... it's a little weird that two weeks after rejection you're hanging out with Jaycob now! Thought he didn't wanna be your friend," she reasoned.

Well, she does have a point, I thought to myself. Better just tell her that. She seems pretty pissed off at me anyways. "Well, okay, I kind of understand..."

Before I could even continue speaking, everyone clustered around me. Even the quiet girls. I was quite surprised. They're not the type to all gather around me like I'm Taylor Swift. "Damn yo, what'd I do? Why y'all treating me like I'm Taylor Swift or something?" I asked them.

They didn't have a response. "I don't know, it's just kind of weird that you're hanging out with an eighth-grader. That's all," they said dismissively. No, I don't think that's "all." Are they all secretly jealous or something? I didn't know that they all liked Jaycob. Well, I can understand.

No! Snap out of it! I'm not settling for such a simple answer! I proceeded to scan the room for who would tell me how they really felt. None of them seem that interested in love, really. They're all just... awkwardly silent. Oh wait, am I staring? Oops. I guess I won't get an answer, then, I thought while zipping my sweater up. Yeah, I'm not putting on a coat. I gotta look as good as possible in front of Jaycob. Plus, it's not that cold outside, I think...

I walked back to Jaycob. "Okay, I'm ready!" He nodded. "Ok." And his gaze didn't look so hostile, so unforgiving, sad anymore. Maybe by talking to him, I comforted him... that's good. An image of how he looked previously popped into my head. I remembered how hostile he looked. Just like how I felt after the breakup with Caleb... I was so happy, so carefree, loving, and I was so kind. I changed so much after the breakup. Now... it's like I'm a completely different person after that. So I can see how he's changing too. Jaycob's old gaze was replaced with a new trusting gaze and he looked a little safer around me. Not like I'm an enemy or anything... but my first impression two weeks ago wasn't a very good one.

Then I noticed something was off. Is that... love in his gaze? I couldn't help but notice a tiny little twinkle, and his gaze wasn't darkened, but instead sort of bright. Maybe I'm overthinking... or maybe it's really true. Does he sort of love me? Already? I pushed the thought away and tried to think realistically. Nah. I gotta be realistic, not delusional. But I'm not usually an optimistic person, and if I'm not thinking pessimistically, something's got to be up, I thought while holding the door open for everyone.

As the kids passed by, each one looked more confused. None of them said thank you. And they were pretty decent kids. None of them were very rude, usually. Is being friends with Jaycob really gonna ruin my reputation like that? I mean, it's just a 14 year old. An eighth-grader. He's only two years older than me. That can't be it, then. Look at how David dabs up Jaycob all the time. And they're friends. Can't be that weird...

But my thoughts were suddenly interrupted as the last kid walked out of the door. I smelled something familiar. Caleb? Oh no! Well, the worst thing he can do is dab Jaycob up, right? As Caleb tried to dab Jaycob up, Jaycob did it but looked a bit uneasy. I guess he is more hostile towards Caleb after the breakup. Caleb then saw me and his gaze darkened. He was probably thinking something like damn, he's friends with Emma now? Emma? She sucks. He's not gonna be friends with her for very long. Caleb whispered something to him.

I tried to lipread. It looked like Caleb was asking Jaycob if he knew that he was making the wrong choice. It looked as if Jaycob shook his head and said no. Good for him. He knows that Caleb's just trying to make him hate me. As we walked outside, the sun was shining very brightly.

As I waved goodbye to my friends, none of them waved back.

I rolled my eyes.

Jerks.