If Only

19. Malachi

"Alright, come here." I pull back, sitting on my bed, pulling her into my lap, her legs around my waist while I run my fingers through her hair, pulling it away from her face.

"You want to, don't you?" She asks, a blush creeping up her neck while her fingers trail over my neck.
"Yes, I do. Emily. Do you know what that would mean?" I lean into her shoulder, running my nose up her neck, trailing my tongue back down the path, feeling her shiver against me.

"It means I'm yours." She gasps, her fingers tightening in my hair.
"You are mine, mark or no mark. You have been mine since that meeting." I meet her eyes with mine, burning golden amber, pulling out the Alpha in my blood, letting her see the truth in my eyes.

"What it means here is that yes, you are mine. Anyone stupid enough to touch you will know who they have to answer to. It is also the mark of Luna with my people. I mark you, and you are Luna. Maybe not officially, but the ceremony doesn't mean much. The Alpha's mark on his partner makes her Luna." I lean back into her shoulder and run my tongue over the curve where her neck meets her shoulder, that little spot that makes her squirm on my lap, the spot I want to sink my canines into.
"Then do it." She pulls back from me.

"No. Emily."
"Why? I'm yours, you said yourself."
"You are, you are right. But I'm not marking you."
"What? Malachi? Why?"
"Why do you want me to?" Is the better question, she can barely handle me touching her, yet wants my mark on her shoulder.

"You mark me, and I'm yours. It is marriage or a mark, in my culture Malachi. I need one or the other to feel comfortable sleeping next to you every night, and about this. About touching you, about you touching me. I need one or the other, and we can't get married right now. I have to belong to someone before we are allowed to touch. Before we are allowed to be."

"Emily, what is the difference? Why would it just magically make you relax around me? Belong to someone, like your property." My eyes roll, "I get that I say that you're mine, but I mean it in the way of saying that I'm not about to lose you, or share you. Not that you belong to me."

"I'm not saying it will fix my issues. I don't think anything will. I will always have that memory and those mental scars. But Malachi, you forget that back home, females are submissive to every single male. Everyone. Everyone back home out ranks me, until we belong to another male. I have no say in my life there. My husband would get to make every decision for me, about me, so yeah I would belong to him. " Her fingers trail down my cheek, running just her fingertips over my lips, the softest of touches. "Your mark on me would tell me that I know you aren't going anywhere. That no matter what I do, we are together. That you have my back, that I have yours. That no matter what, you will be next to me. See the Snows save everything for their husbands, first touch, first kiss, first everything. I don't have any first to give you but this. Please, I need this."

I groan, leaning back on my hands.

"You have plenty of first left Emily. Not that they belong to me, or you owe me anything. We don't have to rush my mark on you."
"I don't have any first left to give you. My family took everything."

Her words hurt, Sarah has been keeping me up to speed on how therapy has been going. Nothing detailed but enough to know that there is more trauma to unpack then just the attack.