Home Is Ours ('Home Is' Book Three - Daryl Dixon)

Chapter 14 - By My Side (INXS)

DARYL

FUCKIN SQUIRRELS!

It's them for sure. Cos they're the only things I've been chowin down on lately.

They're the reason why this pain is hittin hard for the third-day runnin? Just got me some indigestion is all. There's a strand of Slippery Elm trees close by. I'll steep some leaves to make tea and that'll cure it.

'Be honest with yerself, Dixon....'  The anxious words flitter subconsciously in and out, as they've done many times recently.

I set up camp here a little over a week ago. Five miles south of the bridge according to my map.

Had already cleared to this point, afore that brief night at Hilltop. Then I picked up again right where I left off. Spent the last month or so sweepin both sides of the river all the way down to the bay. Nearly two hundred miles in total and then some.

During that time? Reckon I've come across thousands of proper dead bodies washed up or caught on snags. And I checked every single one. Making doubly sure they ain't him before tossin em back in.

The current has stayed strong and they floated away, gone forever now. Including all those still walkin that I've also dispatched.

But it was only a cursory sweep. So I gotta be more thorough and methodical from now on. Work in proper grids....and even search a bit further on land around the Rappahannock as well. Not just the banks and river itself.

Just to be triply sure?

Had to make a base cos the fuel was finally spent. I'll continue on foot for a while, cover what I can in the daylight then return here each night or so. Until I can scrounge up some more gas and move on.

Do it all over again. That's the plan anyway.

At least I haven't woken up soaking wet and near on frozen this time as well.

The makeshift raft I made to sleep on did real good at first. Until a sudden frost settled in along with some non-stop rain. Makin the river swell and roil.

It's almost like summer has magically become winter?

And cos of that, I had to waste more precious time yesterday building a shelter on flat ground. Well above the rising water line.

Yesterday.

Yeah, it was....I'm sure of it. Been a while since I've been able to differentiate one day from the next.

But now I can, I think?

"Do yer 'think'....yer might also start learnin the difference between truth and lies as well? Dumbass! "  My voice rasps out loud this time.

"Some mangy, lil' half-cooked critters ain't the cause. What's goin down on yer is somethin yer prayed....believed  would never happen again. Ever. So get yer shit together, Dixon. Feel it and THEN DEAL! "

I do alright, and my insides explode. Makin my weary eyelids fly open, while I pant through the misery attackin my exhausted body.

I'm on my own. But even worse than that?

I'm startin to feel more alone  than I ever done before in my whole entire life. And I finally fess up to the fact, accept it even. That I simply can't keep goin on like this....all by meself.

"I'm sorry, brother. Ain't giving up on yer, I swear. I'll be back....soon as. But I gotta go for a spell and I know yer understand."

Cos I'm not just on my own and alone. I'm lonely.