Who Moved My Heart

Chapter 15

I could not have said anything because our kids were there, and it was just a party. I was sitting there because I love the beach, but I always have a problem with my skin and face, so he brought me an umbrella and said, "I don't want you to move from here. Sit there, I'm gonna watch the kids."

So he was watching the kids, and I was writing at the same time, trying to get some work done. I don't know what happened, and for a minute, I paused and looked up, and I saw him walking toward me.

We had already broken up, i went to the party because the kids had asked. I was like, "Okay, I'm going to let them go to the beach, and enjoy and party the and stuff like that so we all have fun." I could not take my eyes off him- I don't know what shook me up, but my eyes were on him. I was looking at him like this was the first time I'd ever seen him in my life.

I was staring into his eyes, and he was staring back at me, and the two of us were there for a while, just staring at each other. It was not deliberate- my mind just went, and my body went. I fell into pieces. It's as if I fell from a high building, and broke into all these little tiny bits of pieces.

I was helpless; I thought of the child's mother putting her hands on him. I thought of her kissing him, touching him, I thought of everything, and I just looked at him.  one of the kids asked, "Mommy, are you okay?"

I said yes, I'm fine. He then asked,  'Do you need something?' I said yes, I need some water. He said no, no, no, I can get it. I said okay. He went and I just seriously looked at him until he got back and gave the water to me. I drank the water so fast i actually choked on the water he then  ask are you ok? i said yes.

I just took my hands and put it right under his wet top, and I was rubbing his back. I don't know why I did that, but no one could have seen us because we were facing the sea, and behind us was nothing but the table with all the kids' snacks and the stuff that they needed. We were looking at the kids, and there were people there.

The kids were far out, so I just placed my hands and I was rubbing his back. I felt like something came on my head, and went straight down running through my toes. I found that my eyes were full of water; my body was sweating. I was sweating from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.

I felt like this person, this love, this feeling, stood there and he could not have moved. After I caught myself, I was like, "What is going on?" It's like my hands touched him, I just took my hands and I rubbed him like his back and he turned, and he could not have moved.I snapped my finger and said, "Are you okay? I'm right here, I just saw you coming up and I could not take my eyes off you, and I wanted to touch you. It's been a whole year and 9 months since I last touched you, and I wanted to touch you to see."

He turned around and said, "You touched me, and it felt like I just met you." I said, "I felt the same way." He said this was the feeling i felt the first time I let him hug me after  months of seeing me.

I said I did not wash the shirt that he had on that night. I hung it in the closet, and I kept it with his smell. He said, "Because I know you love strong perfume." I said, "I smelled it until the smell came out, and that day when you saw me in your bedroom when you came upstairs, I was spraying your perfume on myself.

Then he said, "I took the name and I bought one just like that, and sometimes I would just spray it up, like on my pillow or on my bed or something like that." And I was like, "I did the same. I could not have resisted that day."

I spent a day, and we talked and we talked. That was the best conversation I had with him in a year and nine months, and he understood then where I was coming from. He said to me everything that was happening, everything that was going on.

And he said to me, "Then someone meets you and marries you, they will have a beautiful soul, an angel. They will have everything." He said, "What you did, not a whole lot of people would have done."

He said, "You give up your happiness for somebody else's happiness." He said, "If I didn't love you for anything else," he said, "I love you for that." He said, "Man, if I didn't want it, but the main fact is that you put someone else's happiness in front, that means you have a heart of gold."

I said, "You give me this joy every day because knowing the person that I have the child with would have kept the child away from me because she didn't want that to happen.