Who Moved My Heart

Chapter 13

Even though they were not together when I met him, the person was nowhere around, but I considered her because I'm a mother i also. But to say I didn't love him, boy, I love that guy with all I got. 

He brought sunshine back into my life and stopped each thunderstorm. That was more like God walking on earth. To me, he was the perfect guy. He knows the Bible, he loved God—no smoking, no drinking, no cheating. Of course, he had admirers. He is handsome, so he had lots of admiration, but there was never a dull moment with him.

I missed him. Now that I have rewritten this book again, it brings up my emotions my thoughts, and some regrets. I have moved away from that part of my life that I try not to find out anything. I try not to get involved because if God had warned me, there he would have placed me there. 

Maybe at that time, he had to come into my life for me to heal, for me to understand because my philosophy was I would never get in a relationship or be in love with anybody else again because of how I felt after leaving my ex.

Now I look at a man's actions, reliabilty, what he puts into a relationship, and his character. I'm not comparing; there is no comparison. But it's me looking for what I had with my Mr. Perfect. 

I wish my husband-to-be would have everything that he had. I don't know if I'm going to get lucky this time around again to find that, but I'm praying still to find that. I have never gotten into a relationship after him. 

But I remember every moment and questions that I asked him. I can remember one day he called me and he said, "So for real are you never going to marry me?" I said, "Only if God approves of it, I would love to be your wife."

Then I ask him, "Why do you love me so much?" He responded, "In my previous relationship, I have been through a lot with my ex. But with you it's easy to communicate, you never give me the opportunity to remember what I have been through. You see me, you hear me, you admire me and support me; you kind of always know what to say.

You give me hope and life back, I love you because most time what I see is what I get; you're always yourself. And no mater how tired you are, you always there for someone else with a smile. And your loyalty for people that you love is simply amazing, you're a beautiful soul, beautiful face, the way you take care of yourself, the way you value yourself and how you go after what you want."

I smiled, and said, "Thank you. I didn't know you felt that way..." He then replied and said, "you don't have to thank me. I should be the one thanking you for giving me my life back."

After some time working, coming home to the kids, school, and other responsibilities keep me busy. He has never said anything to me, but his attitude towards me was not too nice. That tells me that he did not understand where I was coming from and my point of view on this whole matter. 

I know for a fact that he was upset very much with my decision not to get married to him or even let him move into my home when the child's mother came back. We weren't doing that, and he wasn't pleased with that also.

I came from a very good home. See my parents, have such a beautiful relationship, and have taught us very well. 

So, I admire a man who stands up to his responsibilities and takes care of his kids. But that situation was just hitting differently. he was not somebody who might have a boundary and somebody didn't respect somebody because there is no way you're going to have a relationship with someone, want to marry that person, go to 9 yards, and still have these conversations with your ex. I'm thinking the other person is supposed to be OK with it.

He said that there was nothing there, there was just co-parenting. I love to see people co-parent children, and get both attention from the parents. But this thing with people saying, "Oh, we broke up, but we are best friends," is not hitting. There is some emotional drama thing going on. Somebody is not letting go of somebody. 

But then you get caught up in the situation, and you got kids; they're going to get hurt in the situation. And that right there for me was a no-no. So, I placed my boundary. I didn't want anybody to separate from my sake. So, I took myself out of the situation. He was not listening. He was not understanding. He was not seeing it from my point of view.   

I don't know what was said between them because I never asked, and I tried to have a little say about the situation at all. There was this time I went to wash my car, and he came, and we were sitting, and my car was washing, and his truck was washing at the same time. 

We talked about things, and he still didn't understand that I was not coming back. So, I completely cut the communication where we don't speak at all. Before you ask, let me explain to you that it was very hard. It was reliving our whole situation once again. I would sometimes take the T-shirt he left for me. 

Sometimes I would put it on over my clothes so he left it out for me. And he left one of the cups that he drank tea in (he didn't drink coffee), and I would use it to make tea. I would wear his t-shirts to feel close to him when I missed him, most of all, drinking from the same cup that he drank from. Even though I washed it, the feelings of it were incredible because his lips had touched it so many times. 

So, I kept that. I don't think that I wanted to wash out his perfume so much out of his t-shirt, so I usually wash it with my hands and hang it out.  not in the machine because by the time it comes out, it has no scent, and his scent has gone. 

If I go places and someone is using the same perfume as he was, I will be sad and just turn away and go away. I even stopped going to the same places where I knew that he would be there, and he would go for dinner or lunch. I don't go there anymore. I don't ever want to pass where he cuts his hair or anything. 

I just completely kept away from anything or any way that he was. And I was kidding him when he would text me, "You did not go there. I'm usually going there. Why is that?" And I would be like, "OK, he was there." 

So, my mind was right, and I didn't go. And I will not even respond to the message, and I will feel bad because I wanted to speak to him. I wanted to say, you know, I'm sorry; everything will be OK. But he was not buying that. 

He does not want to hear that everything is going to be OK. He just wanted me to come back. He wanted me to be his wife. He wanted to have a baby with me. He wanted everything that I'm not going to give him, to end up where he plans me to be because I'm my person. 

I do not put up with certain things at all, especially if I know something is not right. I try not to do it, and I do not want to hurt anybody or anything. He was not seeing the picture that I was painting right here would be a problem later. Because most times people get into stuff for the wrong reasons, and I didn't want to do that.