Pain

Awakening

I slowly opened my eyes, to find myself in a plain white room.  Is this...heaven?  I slowly moved my head to see medical machine, and I glared at them.  I'm not dead, I'm in the hospital.  Tina saved me in time, I was still alive.  I couldn't move that much with feeling pain in my throat and stomach, even swallowing felt terrible.  I shut my eyes, and took a deep breathe.  I was in a hospital for the first time since I was about seven.  I had broke my arm while trying to run faster than the other kids in school.  That was first time I cried in front of the adults.  My gym teacher brought to the hospital in his car, and told me everything was going to be okay." Alles wird in Ordnung zu sein, werden wir deine Eltern anrufen, wenn wir dort sind." ( Everything is going to be okay, we'll call your parents when we get there.)  I told him they wouldn't come, but he called them anyway.  Surprisingly, they did come.  But just to tell my gym teacher sorry that I was a burden." Es war nicht die Schuld deines Sohnes, hatte die Spur eine Beule. Wir habe nicht bemerkt, es ist unsere Schuld."  (It wasn't your son's fault, the track had a bump. We didn't notice, it's our fault.)  My gym teacher tried to defend me, but my mother wouldn't have it.

The door of my room opened, and the curtain was pulled back."  Hallo!"  The woman said, and I laid there wide eyed.  She was very pretty, around the age of twenty-five or something.  She had long dark cherry red, and it looked like she dyed it that color a lot.  Her eyes were the brightest blue I've ever seen, like ice almost.  She had on a deep blue nurse's uniform, and had a name tab on her breast pocket.  I looked confused at her, and she smiled."  Your German right, at least your name is.  Jerliko Kämpfer, did you know your last name means 'fighter'?  What wonder's the internet is don't you think, you find out something new everyday.  You speak English?"  I nodded, not wanting to speak because of the pain."  You're wondering how you ended up in the hospital right, thought you took enough pills?"  I looked away from her, feeling upset that she knew what I did."  I know you don't want to talk about it, but I already know everything."  She sat down on my bed, and I realized I didn't have a shirt on in front of her.  I only had on boxer's, and I felt naked in front of her.  I shivered a bit in shyness, and looked over at her."  It's find Jerliko, I've seen everything on a man before.  Oh, I forgot to tell you my name.  My name is El, short for Elizabeth.  But call me El please."  I nodded, and started to try to sit up.  My stomach burned as I did, but I wanted to sit up."  Careful," El said, putting her hands on the back of my neck," you had your stomach pumped.  You'll feel a lot of pain for a bit.  So I wouldn't talk for a while."

"My..parents."  I said, my voice sound like it was being scrapped with sandpaper again.  El looked smiled as I tried to talk some more."  Are..they here?"  I asked, feeling a bit woozy."  They were here, but we had to make them go home."

"Why?"  I asked, and she looked down at the ground."  Your mother..was complaining on how much this would cost."  I rolled my eyes, and took a sip of water from a glass on the tiny table.  It felt soothing against my throat, and I started smiling.  El smiled too, and I shivered again from cold this time."  Here, you can wear these."  She said, and pulled out some clothes for me.  She got me black sweat pants that didn't have the tightness around the ankles, it just looked like long black pants.  She got me a gray hoodie with no strings on it, probable so that people couldn't strangle themselves."  These might be a size too big, but I hope that's okay."  I nodded, and pulled on the clothes.  I dangled my legs off of the bed, and looked upset.  El must have seen this, because she looked concerned."  Look if it makes you feel any better, it was Tina who found you.  She said that you were close?"  I nodded, and smiled a little bit.  At least Tina cared about me, that was good."  Well when you're up to it, the others are in the meeting room.  You can either meet them today or tomorrow, it's fine which one you want."  I nodded, and said I would rather do it tomorrow."  Okay, I'll get your dinner.  You don't have to eat it all if you don't want to."  I nodded again, and she left for a little bit.

She came back with a tray with a slice of pizza and some green jello squares.  I thanked her, and ate everything on the tray, even the pizza crust.  I set the place on the tiny table, and rolled over in bed to face the wall.  I could feel the food turn in my stomach, and bundled myself in a ball.  I wanted out so badly, I wanted out of this hospital.  But now that they know I'm suicidal, I have to stay here for a while.  I was too tried to care anymore, and went to sleep.