betty ↳ conrad fisher

forty-four.

It was the early hours of the morning, the sun peeking over the waves of the ocean as Betty Graham laid wide awake in her bed. She had thought that what she had done the night before was fair, it was what Conrad had done to her with Jack...but the longer she thought about it the more it made her sick. She wasn't that person. At least she didn't think she was.

A ray of light hit her far wall just as her phone dinged, her eyes not straying from the ceilings because she knew—she knew who it was. She wondered how she let him bother her so much. She had been able to not talking to him for months now but she sees him one time with Belly and she just can't help herself? She hated the power he had over her.

The phone dinged again and she lifted the heel of her hand to eyes, trying to keep herself from grabbing the phone. Her stomach knotted as the phone dinged again and she couldn't stop herself, her self control flying out of the window as she picked the phone up. It was exactly who she thought it was, and he was asking her to meet him outside.

She rationalized going in only a few moments, chalking it up to telling him she was really done. That she couldn't be in this toxic arrangement with him anymore. She needed to move on for her health because he was quite literally driving her crazy.

She pulled the flannel from the night before on, making her way out of the bedroom and down the stairs. No one was awake yet so she was quiet with the front door, hoping to not wake anyone. She didn't question her judgement as she gave in so easily to what he wanted, her lips turned down at the corners as she walked down the steps of the porch and then finally she could see him—standing there in his t-shirt from the night before and a worried look on his face. He seemed to hear her, his head lifting and his eyes overwhelmingly worried as he did.

"Betty...I didn't think you'd come." And he really hadn't, a weight bearing down on his chest as she stood in front of him. She looked disappointed, like she was sick of humans she was. She was sick and tired of the rollercoaster that being around him put her on.

"I shouldn't have." She said, and they both knew it was true. Unfortunately it was like a gravitational pull and she wanted to speak her mind to him, she wanted to tell him to go to hell and ask him why he was intent on ruining her life, not letting her have anything. She couldn't enjoy school because he had fucked it up, she couldn't enjoy home because he showed up on break...she couldn't escape him at all. "Why would you—why come here? Out of all the places you can take your girlfriend you wanna bring her here...when you know I'm here?"

"I didn't really think about it like that." He was a liar, she could see it. He had thought about it—he just didn't care.

"Like what? I live here Conrad okay? I don't come and stay for the summer and then leave and go somewhere else. I'm here all the time, every season and I just don't understand why even when I'm home and you're gone—you still have to show up here. I'm still mad at you. I want this to be over but you have got to give me space. You have got to think. If you're going to go out with Belly then stop leaving me notes and stop trying to see me and especially stop texting me at sunrise asking me to meet you to talk. If you're going to be with her then be with her—but I don't want any part of it!" He wasn't sure what he had expected from asking her to come out here but  he realized he should've known what the outcome would be, and he felt naive for believing it would be anything different. She was the most stubborn girl he knew.

"What do you expect me to do Betty? You won't talk to me! You don't want to see me! What did you expect? I'm trying to move on...I'm trying because clearly you want to and I'm trying to respect that. But then you see I'm with Belly and you get mad? How does that make sense? How do you expect me to move on?" He tried to make it seem poetic, tried to show her what he was feeling in a way he hardly could put into words. He felt like he made no sense but she got the gist, her head shaking as her face grew red.

"Your whole life can't be dependent on me Conrad! Damnit you can do whatever the hell you want but you don't have to rub it in my face! You don't have to show up and bring her here when you know I'm here! You could respect me! That's what I expect. I expect you to consider me since you act like everything you do depends on me!"  He had to be louder than her, he had to tell her how it is.

"It does depend on you!" He was fuming but he was honest, his head shaking as he continued to try and get the same point across. "Maybe it was her idea to come here...maybe it was mine—and all I wanted was the opportunity for you to fucking care for once about what I'm doing!"

"So this was for attention? You're using Belly to get my attention...that's real fucking nice Con. You're an asshole—you really are."

"No I—I'm not using her! I do—I have feelings for her but you're not helping me figure this shit out. I try and move on and you show up mad at my door. I try to leave you alone and you have something to say about it. I cant keep being caught between the two of you because if I have to choose—I don't know what I'll do." She looked at him like he was insane, the boys eyes flickering across her face as he got that deep endless urge to kiss her. He knew it wasn't the time, and  a kiss wouldn't fix anything. It would make it much much worse.

"I'm not making you choose Conrad. You're not listening to me. I'm asking you to respect me. I'm asking you to acknowledge that you hurt me and I'm still hurt and you lied to me and followed me to my dream school and you made my really good boyfriend become a piece of shit. And I want you to acknowledge that instead of leaving me alone you decided to fight, you decided to be in the right place at the right time and save my life and that brought back so many conflicting thoughts and I just want you to respect that in one of my lowest moments you were all I had. And you were still talking to her.  I'm still upset about it, and I'm not over it. And all I want is for you to respect my space. All I want is for you to fucking leave. And you can do whatever the hell you want with Belly, and you can live your life and when we get back to school I want you to leave me alone. And I want you to respect that decision. I'm not giving you a choice Conrad...I'm making it. For the last time. You're choosing her—and I'm letting you go."

She had done this before, told him they were through...but for the first time ever he could actually see how much this meant to her. He could see how hurt she actually was. He could see how tired she seemed and he didn't want it to be true. But he was the one who had fucked it up. He was the one who had ruined things...over and over and over again. He felt internal unrest when he realized he had to choose Belly, internal unrest when he realized he was reaping what he had sown and it hurt more than he had expected it would.

"What if I don't want her? What if I want to choose you?" He tried, but he should've known it was no use, her lips tightening into a straight line  as the rays of early morning sun shown over them. They were ending on a beginning...it was almost poetic.

"I'm not a choice Conrad. I don't want you anymore. I want peace. I want to be free of you. And I will get what I want. However the hell I have to do it." She would usually turn and walk away but she didn't, standing her ground and looking at him with a determination he didn't see in her often. He was stunned, his words dying on his lips as he figured he couldn't fight back. For the first time probably ever he just nodded and turned first, too shocked and stunned to even come up with something to say back. She watched as he stalked away and went back into his house, and it was a breath of relief when he disappeared. She felt lighter than she had in a long long time, and she wondered if that had been the move she needed to make all along.